I Want a Minivan

Trying Again

2012-01-16T06:14:00.000-06:00

Way back in 2010 I wrote about wanting to become a runner. I tried the couch to 5K program and failed miserably. I think some combination of the time needed, hard pavement and sidewalks, and summer heat did me in.

Something is different this time.

5:15 a.m. on a treadmill isn't taking any time away from my family.

Pain and discomfort (to be expected as my body adjusts to activity) is way easier to work through on a treadmill. It is a hugely different mental battle when I don't start to experience pain with a mile left to get home. I can simply adjust what I am doing in my workout.

Walking out of my house to walk/run on my city sidewalks with a free playlist from the internet meant I had nothing at stake besides my health, which seems like it should be motivation enough. It wasn't. Knowing that I am wasting money if I don't get to the gym often enough to earn our health insurance discount is huge.

I'm not alone. Now granted, I don't actually know or talk to the people around me, but they are there. They are fighting the same battle I am, and it is nice to know that they understand. As I walk to my treadmill I pass the same woman who is already 2 miles into her run when I get there. She's still running when I leave 45 minutes later. There is the guy working on weight machines, everyday in the same white hat. Obviously, people do this successfully.

If they can do it, I can too.

And I am.

The first day I stepped on to the treadmill before Christmas I couldn't run for two minutes without stopping.

Now I walk for a song, run for a song, walk for a song, run for a song.

I ran a half mile without stopping last week, and now I run over a mile of my two and a half mile workout.

My first goal major fitness goal is to run a mile without stopping. It will be only the second time in my 30 years of life that I'll have done so.

I say, bring it on.

Weekend Word

2012-01-13T17:34:00.004-06:00

It seems so often on a Friday night I can look ahead to the weekend and find a word or twelve to describe the coming days.

Laundry.

Cleaning.

Napping.

This weekend the only word I see is CONNECTION.

I took a few minutes after work today and used a Christmas gift card on a decaf, skim Campfire Mocha with Milk Chocolate and sat in silence savoring each sip, using those moments to reconnect with myself after what had been a really long week at work.

I'm looking forward to dinner tonight and some family time. Dance party? Wii games? Whatever it is, it will be a time of connection that has been missing in the last few weeks.

I sent an e-mail a few minutes ago that hopefully means I'll have a coffee date tomorrow with two women I adore and haven't seen since August while our children get a chance to run and play together.

J has a fellowship breakfast in the morning, giving him more of a chance to connect with the men of our congregation.

Tomorrow afternoon I get to have lunch with some of my favorite and very first internet/blogging friends. Anyone who tells me that you can't find real connection on the world wide web has never met these women.

We've got a doggy visitor tomorrow night, in taking care of my sister's dog so she and her husband can have one last night out during what could prove to be their last weekend without a child. Surely they will appreciate the time together, and so will the dogs!

Sunday morning I'm looking forward to listening to sermon number 2 in a series about families. My husband is preaching, so I am sure I will connect with what I am hearing in a meaningful way.

Sunday afternoon finds my boys connecting with their great aunt and uncle at a water park in Wisconsin. They are so blessed to have people who work to maintain the connection in their life.

I'm hoping that I can have just a few minutes this Saturday to reconnect with my sewing machine and get a quilt bound, crossing a goal for January off of my list.

Sunday evening a member of our congregation who happens to be a chef is cooking dinner for all of our Pastor's and their wives. I'm excited (and a little terrified) to sit down and connect more fully with J's partners in ministry.

And finally, I am so looking forward to Sunday evening after dinner, alone with my husband. No kids to put to bed. No kids to put in bed again after they need a hug. No kids to put to bed again after they need a glass of water. No kids to put to bed again after they can't remember if they said "I love you and goodnight!" A chance to have real conversation and connect with my husband.

Connection. What a great word. Infinitely better than laundry.

What word describes your weekend?

Lists and Sub-Lists

2012-01-11T06:25:00.000-06:00

When I wrote about my goals for 2012, my friend the Mrs. commented on my post and asked if I had made more lists about how to accomplish the goals on my original list. I chuckled when I read it because it is so spot on.

I love lists, so of course I made lists for things on my list.

There is a quilt list. It looks something like this:

January: Finish the quilt I'm making myself, because there is only one step left to be done.
February: Make a quilt appropriate for whatever gender child my sister pops out in January.
March: Finish the commissioned quilt a blogging acquaintance asked me about somewhere near the beginning of 2011.
April: Make the thank you quilt I designed for j's first grade teacher.
May: Make a thank you quilt for j's second grade teacher. (Don't finish it at 1 a.m. on the last day of school like his kindergarten teacher's quilt. Also, see previous line and don't wait until he is in third grade to start it.)

That is where the quilt list stops. For now.

There is also a closet transformation list. It goes something like this:

Take photos of closet before project starts
Empty closet
Take Photo
Wash closet walls and shelves
Paint closet walls and shelves
Take Photo
Add hooks to closet walls
Install LED push lights on closet walls
Measure shelves and shop for baskets to fit
Take photo
Sort through hats, scarves, mittens etc, and fill basket for j and e
Hang snow pants and jackets on j and e's respective walls
Close door and admire lack of winter clutter by the front door
Open door and take photos of the finished project
Blog the transformation

Pretty thorough, don't you think?

Do you make lists? Do you make them like me? With a million tiny tasks so you can feel a sense of accomplishment over and over again?

They Do Listen

2012-01-08T10:33:00.000-06:00

Some days I talk to my children and then wonder about their ears. I wonder if e's tubes have fallen out, or if j"s have an on - off switch I don't know about.

Scratch that. Most days I talk to my children and then wonder about their ears.

You know what? Everyday I talk to my children and wonder about their ears. It feels like I repeat everything at least once, and hearing and listening are two very different things.

Occasionally though, one of them will surprise me.

A few days ago I rushed the boys into the house after work and daycare, and like most days after work, I was crossing my legs and running to the bathroom. (Have I ever bothered mentioning in this space that I am the only female sharing a bathroom with 8 men in my office? Enough said.)

As I passed into the hallway I said over my shoulder "j, please help e get his boots off."

And as I made it to the end of the hall?

"e, I am not going to help you until you at least try to do it yourself."

Wise, wise, empowering words that j has heard from me ONLY ABOUT NINE MILLION TIMES.

Finally. Something I've said has taken hold!

A New Kind of Therapy

2012-01-06T23:08:00.001-06:00

Today was a frustrating day.

There was stuff going on at work that was really driving me insane. A late lunch and inventory issues that had me scrambling at the end of the day were really draining my attitude.

Then I got home and found out J wasn't feeling well. He spent most of his day off in bed.

I'll admit, I went to a familiar place after that day. Emotional eating and retail therapy.

The boys and I went to Noodles & Co. for dinner, because it is my favorite restaurant that serves something my picky boys will eat. I'll even admit that we followed that up with some ice cream.

Then we headed to Target because I needed something new to wear, but this is where I veered off from the norm.

My new clothes? A second pair of fitness capri pants and a new short sleeve technical top.

We walked into the house, I changed my clothes, laced up my shoes and headed to the gym.

Six months ago I would have laughed at you if you'd told me that I would be choosing to go to the gym and get on a treadmill at 9 o'clock on a Friday night.

Heck, a month ago if you'd told me I would look forward to getting on that treadmill I'd have looked at you like you were crazy.

But tonight? Tonight that treadmill was my therapy. Earbuds in. iPod on. One foot in front of the other. Rhythmic bouncing of my ponytail every time I bumped up the speed and ran. Breathing out my day, and breathing in fresh attitude.

Now if only I smelled fresh.

Because I Love Lists

2012-01-01T21:10:00.000-06:00

At the end of my last 3 years of blogging, I think I've decided to ring in the new year with a recap or "best of" post. I'm thinking that isn't so necessary this year, seeing as how I blogged a whopping 14 times in 12 months, and most of those post probably don't fall into a "best of" anything category.

Let's see, there was probably a grief filled post about my mom. I'm pretty consistent with those. I know there was a post after my Father-In-Law died. Sprinkled around posts about death, holidays and grief I probably stuck a silly picture of a kid in there and introduced my minivan.

Wow.

Blogger of the year right here. I can see her double chinned reflection in the laptop screen.

However, while I won't recap the last year, I would like to look forward to the new year ahead with hope and concrete goals. And, what better place than my blog? It is pretty much a journal at this point anyway, what with my traffic dropping from double digit views per day to my Gramma, who still checks in each day, just in case. {Hi Gram!}

So, without further self-deprecating humor, I bring you my concrete goals for 2012, in no particular order:

Finish One (or more) quilts per month in 2012.
Blog about each one of those quilts 3 times. Fabric/Pattern, in progress, finished product.
Get over my fear of its features and form a habit of having my camera more available. No sense in having an expensive DSLR if I'm not going to use it.
Never miss getting our health insurance discount at the gym. This means working out at least 12 times per month.
Run a single mile without stopping.
Run two miles without stopping.
Run a 5k without stopping. At least twice. Once on a treadmill and once outdoors.
Go for a run with my husband.
Pay off at least $2500 in debt.
Work on my social anxiety and step out of my comfort zone.
Turn our front closet from a junk storage space to usable, seasonal, storage and staging space. Blog the before, after and process.
Organize the boys' outgrown clothes and either commit to keeping them or shut the door on baby #3. {sob}
Paint every room in our main level except the boys' room and our kitchen. And what the heck, blog about it!

Concrete goals. Okay, so almost all of them are concrete. The social anxiety one doesn't really have a scale to measure progress. We'll start with making sure I don't pass out at some Pastors and their wives dinner in a few weeks.

Happy 2012 to me! {And you Gramma.}

Thanksgiving : Torn

2011-11-24T08:32:00.001-06:00

This Thanksgiving morning finds me shunning my traditions. I've not thrown on a hat to head out for coffee and a pizza for breakfast. I'm not in my kitchen trying to find my way around the mountains of dishes from the previous day of dessert making in order to spend my morning making even more desserts.

I have 3 pies from our local Bakers Square in my fridge. Instead of heading to my family tradition of Eat Dessert First last night, the boys and I ran to a local thrift shop in search of black dress pants and a white dress shirt. Funeral clothes. We stopped at Target for some foam board, so that today, after turkey has been eaten and there isn't a crumb of pie left on a plate, we can sort through photos of my father-in-law and create photo boards for his visitation.

My heart feels as though it has been torn in two. I am thankful that I get to spend today surrounded by family. Sisters-in-law I didn't know I'd get to see today a week ago. Nieces I haven't seen in years. Thankful that we will still laugh together today, but also knowing we will probably cry together today as well.

This Thanksgiving gathering will be much larger than we'd originally expected, but it will still have a great big hole.

Rest in peace sweet Father-in-law, rest in peace. It has been 5 days and we miss you.

Contrast

2011-10-09T20:30:00.003-05:00

Last Sunday night I posted this on Facebook:

I peek my head around their door frame and simply stare. I revel in their peaceful eyelids and rising chests, and all I can think is Thank God. Not because they are sleeping, but because they are mine. I am blessed.

Thirty-some people liked my Facebook status that night.

A couple of mornings later J sent me this, a photo he took before waking e for the day (I love that even in sleep he is reacting to the flash):

Aparently there were no peaceful eyelids and rising chests that night, as e snuck a marker to bed and gave himself a beard.

But, it is truth, in sleep and slumber and in play and wonder, I am blessed.

Loaner Camera

2011-09-27T17:18:00.002-05:00

Back in March we had some changes at my company and I was given ~~a lot more work~~ an opportunity for professional growth, taking on some of our marketing responsibilities. It has meant some fun projects, things like creating sales pieces in Adobe Illustrator or creating new product labels. We decided to do a complete redesign of the branding on one of our product lines and as we created new labels we needed to take product photographs for our website, technical literature and sales materials.

A co-worker loaned us his camera and we discovered with some sunshine and Photoshop we can do a pretty bang up job on our product photography.

I've known for a while that I'd really like a DSLR camera and asked my coworker if he'd loan me his camera for a weekend so I could decide if it was worth saving for.

You tell me.

j didn't like that I had him looking into the sun.

A boy and his Dad.

Framed on my desk. Right next to this one:

This boy, oh he has my heart.

So, yes, I think the answer is I do want a DSLR of my own. I've started saving, so hopefully a Nikon D3100 with 2 lenses will be mine by Christmas. Or by Thursday if I win the lottery tomorrow.

A Minivan Named Murphy

2011-09-19T20:03:00.000-05:00

If my newly changed blog header wasn't obvious enough, three years after I started writing a blog about wanting a minivan, I got a minivan.

As proof of how amazing my grandparents are, I got an e-mail from my Gramma one afternoon this spring. A single line read something to the effect of "I need to know right away, do you still want a minivan?" As it turned out, friends of theirs in Arizona were selling their minivan and my Grandfather was of the opinion that this was a quality used vehicle that would serve me well for at least a few years.

J and I discussed pros and cons and I called my grandparents to tell them we were interested, and that if I were to trust anyone to judge a vehicle for me without me being there it would be my Grandpa. My Grandfather's reply was that he was glad we were interested because they had already agreed to purchase said minivan and they were calling their airline to get out of their spring flights home as they were planning on driving the van here to me in Minnesota.

One drive from Arizona to Minnesota later, my Grandfather was still satisfied with the van and its performance. We could decide we wanted the van or they would either drive it themselves or sell it to someone else (probably for a profit as we Minnesotans love vehicles that have never seen our winters and road salt.)

Late Easter afternoon I drove away in my new-to-me minivan. I might have given a little squeal and clapped. I was excited. And I'm a big dork.

Now I don't know about you, but I've always named my vehicles. In high school and college I drove an Escort named Lois. Lois was purchased from a friend of my grandparents named Lois. It's funny, I didn't realize we were establishing a grandparent's friend's vehicles pattern until I typed it!

A few months after J and I were married Lois and I were rear-ended and pushed into the car in front of us. The car was worth less than the damage, so for the first time in my life I went out and bought a brand new vehicle. (Aside: That was dumb.) Until the minivan entered my life I was driving a Saturn named Shirley. The saleswoman who sold me Shirley was named, you guessed it, Shirley.

Now the van was a little more confusing, now I mean, I kind of got it from my grandparents, but I kind of got it from a couple in Arizona. Also, with four names to choose from how do I pick?

So, I slept on the decision. And I drove on it. For months. And then the van named itself.

Our new van has christened himself...Murphy.

Why? Well, not too many days ago I finally changed my handle on Twitter. Instead of @iwantaminivan, I can now be found @ilovemyminivan. I also worked out a new header and started to update my blog template.

And then (that same day!) the van went in for an oil change and came out with new brakes. Ouch. Multiple triple digit hit to the old bank account.

And then (still that same day!) ten miles post oil change a loud noice I'd never heard before entered my ears, I looked down and an obnoxious red indicator light I'd never seen before was on. There was a little needle on a temperature gauge that was as high as it could go. Yep, the van was overheating. I turned the heat on high and limped the van the one block home.

The diagnosis? Leaking water pump. Ouch. There goes another multiple triple digit hit to the bank account.

So, that's Murphy. I named the van after the same Murphy that makes it rain when you wash your car. The Murphy that racks up practically quadruple digits in repairs the same day you change your online identity to gush about how much you love him.

Top 10 Things I've Learned as a Pastor's Wife

2011-09-15T18:48:00.002-05:00

If you know me in real life, you know that in July my husband became an Ordained Pastor. If you don't know me in real life, that is news for you, as I was busy NOT blogging (obviously) when it happened.

On the serious side, it is an honor for me to see my husband living into his call.

On the not so serious side, here are 10 things I've learned in my first few months as a Pastor's wife.

10 - I can learn four songs on less than 24 hours notice when a worship team is lacking in female vocals.

9 - I suddenly care a little bit more about what I wear on a Sunday morning and my kids suddenly care less about what they look like.

8 - I can cook a dinner for 40 people for $2.00 per serving.

7 - I have NO IDEA how to take a match and light the pilot lights on a commercial stove.

6 - I will make a complete fool of myself in the name of Vacation Bible School.

5 - My idea of serving our church is buying popsicles for after the service when there is no A/C and it is 100 degrees out.

4 - The expectations I need to worry about most are my own.

3 - I was voted "coolest Pastor's wife" by a bunch of high schoolers a few weeks into the gig. I've never been voted coolest anything before.

2 - I didn't automatically receive the spiritual gift of remembering names.

And the number one thing I've learned in my first few months as a Pastor's wife...

1 - The joke "I'm sleeping with the Pastor" never gets old.

I'm Baaaack!

2011-09-14T17:33:00.002-05:00

So, here I am.

New, bare bones design that somewhat reflects the fact that I do now in fact, drive a minivan.

No ads.

Just me.

My words.

No pressure.

See you soon.

Almost Normal

2011-07-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

I can feel it.

Normalcy.

It is right there, almost within reach. If I can stretch my arm really long I can just brush it with my fingertips.

Routine. Consistent sleep. Less caffeine.

We're coming up on a month since the last time J's alarm went off at 3:30 a.m., starting a two job work day that often spanned over twelve hours, leaving him desperate for Friday nights when he would crash and burn, trying to squeeze a few extra hours of sleep out of a single night.

I can feel it. The difference in my husband. The difference in our relationship. The difference in our family.

The last 3 years haven't been easy, and the balancing and planning and organization I thought I'd be forced to find in the past year as J was working 2 very different jobs never came.

I am grateful for the job he finished in June. A job that helped prepare us for what is to come now. A job that helped us begin to pay down some debt. A job that allowed J to spend last summer with the boys. A job that could allow him back into ministry part time, as difficult as that sometimes was. A part time opportunity that without, he probably wouldn't be sitting where he is today.

I am grateful.

I can feel it.

We're almost there.

We're almost back to normal.

Someday He's Going to Kill Me for This

2011-06-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

Each time in the last few weeks when I mentitioned to j that his very last day of first grade was approaching he would look at me with big brown eyes showing signs of wetness and tell me that he loved school and that he didn't want it to end.

It is only after his First Grade Portfolio came home on the last day that I truly understood.

What male wouldn't love writing about boobs?

Now I know I should be a little concerned about the fact that his d's are facing the wrong direction, but seriously, I can't stop laughing long enough to care. I think the idea here is that he wanted a tree that grew skate boards, but really, a tree that grows boobs would be pretty magical too.

On Mother's Day

2011-05-08T08:36:00.002-05:00

Today is the day, the day I anticipate with dread every year.

Mother's Day.

A day filled with potential for loveliness and a day filled with potential for sorrow.

Which will it be today?

*****************************************************************************************************

8 years, 8 months and 12 days ago I lost my mother, quietly slipping away after a battle with breast cancer, changing my life forever.

7 years, 1 month and 23 days ago I became a mother as j came screaming into the world, changing my life forever.

****************************************************************************************************

Even after all these years, I can't find my balance. The day skews one way or the other, and I'm walking an emotional tightrope.

*****************************************************************************************************

I am a Mom. I miss my Mom. Happy Mother's Day.

Mom of the Year Teaching Tool

2011-04-04T20:03:00.002-05:00

j is in first grade this year. He loves his teacher, Mrs. B. He's got some great friends in his class, including the very first friend he ever had, his buddy A from his first daycare. They have known each other since they were younger than one, and were in the same kindergarten class last year.

One thing j doesn't love about first grade is homework. He's got a couple of pages of math each week and a list of spelling words. He has 6 simple words and a couple of challenge words to study for a test each Friday. Often when I let him know it is homework time he declares "I wish I was e, he's too little to have homework!"

More often than not homework was a battle, but I found a great solution.

Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar.

While out at a local deli grabbing lunch one day I realized that Haribo makes lots of gummies beyond the basic bear. In fact, they make gummy letters. One bag was enough to find one of each letter needed to spell each word on the week's spelling list.

I would say the word and j would manipulate the gummy letters to spell the word on the table in front of him. I bounced around on the list until he had spelled each word successfully three times. When he was right I'd give him a letter out of the extras and make up a reason for him to get it. He got A's for being amazing, and F's for a fantastic job.

Sugar and bribery are probably not top on the list of how to get your kid to do his homework, but it works for me!

Two Truths and a Teeny Tiny Lie

2011-02-24T12:36:00.003-06:00

Having spent many years working in youth ministry and as a summer camp counselor, followed by a stint at a technical school means I've had many opportunities to play mixers or get to know you games.

Two Truths and a Lie is one of my favorites because it can be outrageous, so when Liz mentioned on Twitter that she was going to put together a blog carnival I smiled. I also thought, oh, I haven't blogged in 3 weeks, I've got lots going on, I can't possibly get a post written. But, a co-worker brought me lunch today, saving me more than a few minutes, and three quick facts seems like a good way to jump back into posting!

The idea is to give three facts about yourself, however only two of them are true. I've discovered some really fun facts about friends with this game.

So, here are my three facts. Now remember, only two of them are actually true.

1) When I want something cold and bubbly, I go to Barq's Root Beer for my caffeine fix. I do, really. While many turned to Google to realize that Barq's does have caffeine, whether in large amounts or not, I always remember that because "Barq's has bite." This addiction is relatively new to my life, but Barq's is something I like in a can, bottle or fountain, which is abnormal for me. I like fountain Coke, but not the can or bottle. I like Pepsi in a can but not in a bottle.

2) I exchange text messages with my office's UPS delivery guy. Ooooh la la! Scandalous. Don't tell my husband. You can tell my husband but it won't be news. Kudos to the person who suggested that I text him for business reasons, which is absolutely the case. My shipments can vary greatly from day to day. To avoid him stopping at the door only to realize that I have enough shipments to use the loading dock, I text him. "27 on the dock today Dan!" I even have him saved in my phone as "Dan Dan the UPS Man." This really is only an issue in the winter, as during the summer I have the loading dock door open and he can see his shipments on of the many times he drives past in a day.

3) I think Creme Brulee is absolutely delicious. It is my dessert of choice the few times a year we're out someplace that serves it. So, obviously, this is my lie. While it is possible that Creme Brulee is delicious, I wouldn't know, as I've never eaten it. I'm a thick, fudgey, chocolate cake kind of girl.

So there you have it, a quick lunch hour blog and a dive back in. What is your guess? Which is my lie? Let me know in the comments. (I'll reveal my lie on Monday.)

And go visit other blogs, meet some new people and guess their lies as well!

The One About the Flight Attendant

2011-01-31T21:11:00.000-06:00

So here's a story I've never told you. Or really told anyone actually, aside from my husband when he just asked "So what are you going to blog about?"

"I'm going to tell the flight attendant story. Or stewardess, or whatever it is that you are supposed to call them."

*I took a break and polled Twitter and they say it is Flight Attendant so that's what we're going with.

I graduated from high school in 1999 and the summer after graduation I went on a trip with a couple dozen other kids from my youth group. We spent five days on a YWAM (Youth with a Mission) base in Los Angeles and then spent another 5 days in Tijuana, Mexico building a house and telling people about Christ through skits and song.

It was an amazing trip.

Being that this was over 10 years ago, we were flying back in the days when they still fed you a meal, and that was the case on our flight out of LAX. We had a choice between two meals and I honestly don't remember what either of those choices was. What I remember is that the guy sitting next to me got the last of the meals that I had intended to choose. This guy was a friend and in a sarcastic and teasing manner I said to him something to the affect of "Aw, c'mon man, really? I totally wanted that! You stole my dinner!"

He laughed, but what happened next is what stuck with me. The flight attendant leaned over with an arm on the seat in front of me and an arm on the seat behind me and in a low voice she proceeded to tell me that not getting the meal I wanted wasn't that big of a deal. You see, she had a daughter at home who was in a wheelchair. She would never walk. She would never dance, she would never have a "normal" life. So really, what did it matter if I didn't like my meal?

What I wanted to do was say "Listen lady. I'm not on my way home from a fun drunken weekend in LA. I just helped build a two room, no bathroom, no plumbing, 20 ft by 20 ft cement slab home for a family of five who probably aren't done growing and even if they don't have more kids chances are an in-law or two is going to find themselves under that roof too. They spent weeks worth of earnings to feed us a meal to say thank you and I can make that in a weekend. You don't need to prove how good I have it by telling me how bad you have it. I get that my life is pretty great. I'll never look at a grocery store the same way again.

But I didn't. I said "Um, yeah, I'll take that other choice, thanks."

She moved on to the next row.

I think that she thought that she'd teach me a lesson. Maybe knock some sense into that ungrateful teen in seat 14C.

I don't think she taught the lesson she intended. Mostly I just remember that day and think "Wow, she must have been having a bad day. If she could have grabbed a few Blue Moons and headed out an emergency slide she just might have."

I'll come back to the flight attendant, I will.

So last week was rough. I didn't like situations I was in, I didn't like myself, it just wasn't a cool week. It was supposed to start looking up with a much needed date Friday night but instead e went down with a fever and stayed that way all weekend long. We juggled him today, me staying home until J got home and then he tagged in and I went to work.

I went to work knowing I needed to be uber productive. I've already got two planned days off for a daycare closure Thursday and Friday so I was cramming 40 hours of work into a week that was going to be less than 20 hours long. Then I lost almost 40 minutes of the two precious hours I had to an internet issue. As in I had none, and internet access is necessary for many aspects of my job. Not cool.

I went and picked j up from his bus stop and brought him back to work with me. I figured he could chill and color while I got at least another hour in. First he was complaining about being cold, and then he snuggled into a guest chair with my heater blowing on him, and promptly fell asleep. Now I know first grade is hard, but needing a nap after school? Not my kid. You guessed it. He's got a fever.

As I made phone calls and tried to figure out if there was anything I could do with this kid so I wouldn't miss another day of work, I was totally overwhelmed and I started to cry. J asked what was wrong and I told him I was just having a hard time getting past the suckiness of it all. And then I texted Kellyn.

And here's why I text her. She is never going to go all flight attendant on me. (See? I told you I'd bring it back to the flight attendant.) She doesn't give me a list of reasons it could be worse. She doesn't make me feel bad for feeling bad. She hears me, she agrees with the suckiness, and she makes me smile.

It's the same thing with blogging. I've got an amazing community of people who support me in the good, the bad and the downright sucky. Thank you.

Take that flight attendant lady.

A Letter to my Grandma, But You Can Read Too

2011-01-28T21:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Gramma,

I know you wish I was better at letter writing, or even at replying to your e-mails. I've been so busy these days, both at work and at home that it seems like there just isn't any extra time in my day. I know this situation isn't unique to our family, lots of people I talk to are experiencing some of these same things.

The boys didn't have school today so j went to daycare in his pajamas. Don't worry, I put him in a clean pair, I didn't send him in the pajama pants he slept in. He complains so much about wearing jeans during the week that I just thought he deserved one super comfy free day. Actually, don't think I torture him each morning. He wears jeans once or twice each week and the other days wears athletic pants of some kind. It is very cute, he calls them agility pants. I think he gets that term from his gym teacher.

I thought e would have a really great day with his big brother at daycare all day but when I got there to pick him up he was laying on the floor under his cars blanket and wouldn't get up. I thought telling him he was going to hang out with Aunt R and Uncle P tonight would excite him but he hardly stirred. I took his temp when we got home and it was 101.5 so our plans for a date night went quickly out the window.

I was really bummed about not getting out with J. This 2 jobs thing has been harder than I expected and I was really looking forward to some time to reconnect after what has seemed like an extra committed couple of weeks. We did get takeout and watch an episode of NCIS - LA so I guess we can count it as half a date. I was already in pajamas though so it hardly counts as giving my husband my best. I did at least have some residual eye makeup left on from the day!

We have conferences for both boys next week and both meetings have me a little nervous. I'm not sure how j's reading skills are progressing and he doesn't like to read at home. I keep trying though. We're reading Judy Blume's Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing at bedtime. Tomorrow we'll read chapter 5. With e I'm really curious to hear how his behavior is at school. He is pretty defiant at home and has been pulled out of his class at church 2 Wednesdays in a row because he was too distracting for the other kids. I can't remember if this is how j was or if it is something we should be concerned about. Why didn't you warn me that parenting was this hard?

I know you know now that I've registered to crew the 3-Day again this year. I was thisclose to not registering this year. I was just going to support my teammates and go all out at the cheering stations but then I read another story about a young woman who has been a major presence at the 3-Day since I started walking who is moving from treatment to hospice. I got really angry about daughters who lose their mothers and registered just as soon as I'd finished wiping away my tears. I just wonder when all of this is going to be unnecessary.

We've finally got nice weather here in Minnesota, but I'm sure it is much nicer in Arizona. I hope someday we'll get down for a visit. Until then, hug Grandpa for me!

Love you!

Kim

Off The Grid

2011-01-04T21:34:00.000-06:00

While my Crackberry spends much of any given day within arms reach of me, I went almost completely off the grid last week, and I had already been slightly withdrawn from my normal social media communication for much of December. Some of it was very intentional and some of it was simply the busyness of life getting in the way.

Last week J and the kids and I headed up to the church camp that J and I met at. Now that J is working as the high school youth director at our church the annual New Year's Retreat for the high school kids is his domain. He and I were counselors at that particular retreat together twice. Once ten years ago when we met and then once more when we were dating. I half expected that that second year he'd be putting a ring on my finger but he waited until we'd been home a few weeks.

While I had cell service at camp, I had to sit perched in a window to get 3 bars. It wasn't particularly comfortable and I only did it often enough to make sure I wasn't missing any work e-mails that were so important that they needed to be forwarded to a coworker.

Being on the grid and constantly connected to my friends, people I love is fantastic, but sometimes being off the grid isn't a bad thing. I was surrounded by amazing people, some I was meeting for the first time and some I've known long enough to reminisce about earlier years of my life. I was given a comforting shoulder squeeze from my Pastor when I was feeling emotional and I laughed more than I had in weeks. Both of those things are good for the soul and both of them can't be exactly duplicated in 140 characters or a Facebook "like."

While I love all of my @'s and Facebook feedback, google chats and text messages, sometimes my digital life craves real life.

So, who wants to go out for coffee soon?

My Stash

2010-12-02T07:06:00.001-06:00

While I have dreams of a bright, white walled, naturally lit sewing studio with walls and a door, my sewing area is set up in a corner of our basement, in the same space as the boys' piles of toys.

I've been making the most of the area I have, slowly adding things that make me happy and make me want to create. I just bought a brightly colored patchwork-esque piggy bank to use for my spare change. It will serve to hold my fabric fund. I have a large glass hurricane type vase that I keep scraps and selvage edges in. It is full of color and patterns.

One of the other things that has helped in what little space I have is some plastic drawer sets. I bought four of them on clearance after school started. Wal-Mart was slashing prices on things that belonged in college dorms and I scored some much needed organization. They sit across the back of my sewing table keeping my fabric stash and supplies in easy reach. I can keep projects all together. One drawer holds a finished quilt top with its intended backing and binding fabric. Another drawer holds onesies and t-shirts just waiting for a birthday number to be sewn on them.

However, I have noticed something about those drawers. You know how people complain their house is too small because they have too much stuff? They buy a bigger house and more stuff and pretty soon that new house is too full and too small too?

Yeah, that is happening to my drawers. I have room, so I buy fabric to fill up that room.

The other day I walked into Hancock Fabrics to buy batting and backing fabric for a project I've got going and I walked out with five fabrics. I didn't need them, but they are adorable and now I need someone to have a little baby so I can make them a quilt.

Aren't these fabrics adorable? And now I've got a third of a yard of each of them in my stash.

No Shave November

2010-11-30T19:54:00.000-06:00

With J working in youth ministry again, he has a place for all of his hare-brained ideas to go. There is something about working with high schoolers that causes him to revert back to lesser levels of maturity.

His most recent idea? Challenging the male youth group leaders to not shave for the month of November. No cause, no awareness like Mo-vember, just a bunch of guys growing beards because they have the hormones to do it.

I'm more than happy that today is November 30th, as I wasn't a fan, but I will admit that I was quite entertained as he shaved this evening.

And now, for your enjoyment, The Destruction of a Beard: A Picture Story.

Full beard.

Major chops and a fuzzy goatee.

Channeling Hulk Hogan.

Super creepy porn 'stache.


Ah, my handsome, clean shaven hubby is back.

Sunday Morning Cinnamon Rolls

2010-11-14T10:15:00.000-06:00

This Sunday morning update is beginning to be a habit for me, and I like it.

The first time I talked about my leisurely Sunday mornings, complete with cinnamon rolls I joked with Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry on twitter about how I was going to do a different take on her Friday Morning Coffee posts and call my post Sunday Morning Cinnamon Rolls but decided against it.

She replied with something like this, "You totally should and ohmygosh I want a cinnamon roll." If she was closer (why isn't she closer?!?!?) I totally would have delivered some of my Pillsbury pop the can cinnamon roll goodness to her.

Anywho, this week's cinnamon rolls are actually out of the oven, cooling just a bit before I frost them. I don't want to lose too much of the frosting onto the bottom of the pan!

It is actually quite quiet in our house this morning. We're down a kid, and between one less set of lungs and the snow that is blanketing our world, it is calm here.

j had a date with his grandpa and grandpa's wife last night. They went to Monster Jam, which I'm sure j thought was awesome. How could monster trucks not be super cool in a 6 year old boy brain? I haven't talked to him yet, as they called at 10:30 last night to say they hadn't even left the parking lot yet and wondered if they should just take j home to their house. I would expect he'll be arriving home soon, ready to tell us all about it.

My dad offered to take e with as well but having taken him to a hockey game the night before, I knew he wouldn't have the patience needed to sit in an arena for so long. I was concerned that he was going to feel quite left out, but we didn't tell him j was leaving and we kept him in his room when j actually left the house. He came out a few minutes later and said "Where's j?" but was easily distracted and didn't ask again all night. It was a rare treat to spend time two on one with him and I think he enjoyed that opportunity as much as we did. While I try to get j out alone occasionally, never before had I thought to give the boys time alone with J and I together.

Minnesota got our first snow of the season yesterday and it wreaked havoc on my plans. However, I took advantage of the extra time at home and tackled some projects and some cleaning. While beautiful and clean white, this snow is very wet and very heavy. The accumulation was too much for a large branch on one of our trees and it came crashing down. We're lucky to have power, as many in the state have lost power, including our church building. J is heading there soon to let people know that the other campus will be starting a little bit late if they'd like to drive over and worship there.

Well, the biggest boy is home now, and chaos ensues.

Have a great Sunday friends!

A Thousand Little Things

2010-11-07T20:18:00.001-06:00

There are so many things floating around, things I want to say. Things that are little, things that don't need their own post, at least not now. It might not be a thousand, I'm prone to exaggeration, but it's a list.

First, thank you for all of your encouragement after my last post. A few days after I hit publish I got an e-mail from my grandmother. She'd like all of my "blog friends" to e-mail her when she's having a bad day. I never did reply to tell her she can just refer to all of you as my friends, it doesn't really matter that we met on the internet. I've hugged enough of you in real life.

I'm really irritated by my husband's body right now. Or perhaps I'm mad at his immune system. His full-time job doesn't allow him to take a day off, at least not like most of us can. He can't just up and take a day off, his time is locked in with the school schedule. But, he had two days off this week because the district he delivers to had conferences. I was looking forward to having more time with him and instead his body decided to give up and surrender to a massive cold that knocked him out for the majority of his 4 day weekend. I'm bitter and angry at his germs, but I still really love him.

Because our church has two campuses occasionally J has responsibilities at the campus we aren't attending on a Sunday morning, leaving me to go to church with the boys on a power play. They are challenging enough at even strength but when Team Parents is down a man it is all I can do to make it to the message when they leave for Sunday School. Today was one of those alone days and as I looked around the house at what needed to be done, and I looked at the boys every few seconds as they ran past chasing each other I strongly considered not going to church. BUT I WENT. And I wish I hadn't. But, that's all I will say on the matter because the stuff that I wish hadn't happened isn't bloggable and I wish it was.

e has picked up "shut up" somewhere and I'm not particularly happy about it. I'm still waffling between if we ignore what is probably a little rebellion or punishing him for saying it. What's the right tact to take with a 3 and a half year old?

I bought fabric this weekend for some projects, sketched out some quilts I'd like to get started on and finished a quilt top I started many months ago. I need to pick up some batting and then I'll be able to baste it and start the quilting. I'm very excited about this particular quilt because it is for me. I got to thinking about it and since I started making quilts back in middle school, I've given every single quilt I've finished away. While I have quilts in my home, none of them are mine. The quilt I'm cuddled under now was made by my great grandmother in 1966 and while I love that legacy, I someday want my grandchildren to sit under a quilt I made and passed down.

One more load of laundry and then in bed to start the week. While I don't feel ready for yet another week to begin, this week is blissfully empty of evening commitments besides church on Wednesday so hopefully we'll have some time to check a few tasks off of lists and reconnect as a family.

Have a great week ~~blog~~ friends!

Not Pretty

2010-10-29T21:57:00.000-05:00

U - G - L - Y

You ain't got no alibi

You ugly

Hey, hey

You ugly

Tonight is not a pretty night. Tonight I was frustrated with my kids, irritated at my husband, angry at my inability to follow through on plans, ticked off that I have a mountain of laundry to sort and put away, throwing a pity party for a vanishing friendship, peeved by the numbers on a scale and a host of other assorted goodies.

I laid in bed trying to quiet my head, but it wouldn't go away. I'm not sure where exactly it came from, but it was there, a constant. U - G - L - Y...

My thoughts were ugly.

I got up, figuring I could use the computer as a distraction.

I could see what was happening on Twitter. Or I could browse quilting blogs and make wish lists of fabrics I would add to my stash by the yard if I won the lottery. I could read happy blogs that would cheer me up, or sad blogs that would remind me of just how good I've got it.

But here I am. Composing a post that has me wondering if I'll actually hit "publish post" when I'm done.

But maybe, just maybe, if I get the ugly thoughts out of my head, I can be done with them.

The voice inside my head says that I'm a bad mother. The voice says that a good mother wouldn't have attempted to buy pumpkin carving stuff 2 days before Halloween, when the stores have none. A good mother wouldn't have bought Mr. Potato Head pumpkin decorating stuff as a Plan B and then gone straight to Plan C. Plan C is skip the pumpkins and watch It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown instead while snapping at the six year old that he's much to close to the tv.

The voice inside my head says that I'm a bad wife. A good wife would have thoroughly cleaned out the fridge and freezer since the power was out for almost 24 hours earlier this week. A good wife would have restocked the groceries and when her husband asked what to do for dinner, she wouldn't throw up her hands and say "I don't care. Why don't you pick up a pizza."

The voice inside my head says that I'm irresponsible with my time, and that a responsible person would have sorted and placed the laundry in closets and drawers as the loads came out of the dryer, not just continue to pile them on the couch with the excuse of "I need to sort out what no longer fits to give away." A responsible person wouldn't let her kid wear the same socks two days in a row because she can't find two that are clean and match.

Friends, sometimes the voice wins.

I know that these are just bad days. I know our family is still adjusting to our new normal, and I know that I'm the only one that can control my attitude.

I also know that this is hard.

This mothering, and working, and maintaining a relationship, and paying bills on time, and having time for me, and finding time for us, and eating healthy, and fighting kids at bedtime, and fighting more in the morning, and washing clothes and putting the damn clothes away, it's hard.

It's hard.

And it's ugly.

And someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, the refrain running through my head will have transformed.

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty!

How do you quiet the voice of self-doubt in your head? How do you transform your chorus?

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

2010-10-17T08:57:00.000-05:00

One of the things I am loving about attending our new (old) church is the fact the our Sunday service doesn't start until 11 a.m. While for some people this might be a huge turnoff, it really works for me.

I understand that some people like earlier services because they want to have as much day spread out in front of them when they walk out of those doors after the service. And some people want to be able to get to a bar while the Vikings pre-game is still on.

I'm not the world's most organized mom and with an 11 o'clock start, I can wake up, realize none of us have church appropriate clean clothes to wear and get laundry done, start to finish. We're not late, and our pockets and waistbands aren't still wet because our jeans (our nice church jeans of course) had to be pulled from the dryer before they were really done.

Five days a week I grab the 3 year old by the ankle and drag him to the edge of the bed because he sleeps all the way on the wall in the bottom bunk. I can't get in to get his sleeping body out any other way. All that to point out that I wake him, change him and toss him in the car for the quick trip to daycare. With an 11 o'clock start my boys can sleep until they wake naturally, adjust to being awake, and have some time snuggling with J and I. This makes for a great morning for the boys. They also have time to play, working off some energy before I ask them to sit quietly for a 20 minute stretch before Sunday School.

Having extra time on Sunday mornings means I can fire up the oven and make something yummy for breakfast. Even popping a can and making Pillsbury caramel or cinnamon rolls makes the day seem better than if it started with a bowl of cereal. I've become a huge fan of doctoring up crescent roll dough into mini cinnamon rolls. The boys love them and feel like I've done something special for them each time I make them.

I think the free time I have before church also helps me to focus during church. I have a chance to look around the house, grab a legal pad and make lists. Things I need to do around the house after church. Groceries I need to grab to make meals for the next few days. I can mentally prepare for the week, thinking about school conferences, small group, days off from school and our upcoming roof project. If I woke up, rushed around getting ready and getting the boys out the door to get to early church, chances are good my sermon notes would be a grocery list and notes to my husband, not snippets of our pastor's teaching.

And, since I'm sitting here writing this, Sunday mornings are good for some me computer time. My husband is already at church, service leading at the other campus. The boys are playing really well together because they are so well rested and I get a few minutes to myself to write and catch up on my favorite blogs.

Now if you'll excuse me, the timer's going off. Time to frost some cinnamon rolls.

Have a beautiful Sunday!

An Open Letter to my Doctor's Office

2010-10-12T18:07:00.001-05:00

Dear Doctor that I saw today because I've been sick for 3 weeks,

I do appreciate you having a same day appointment available for me when I called right away at 7:30 this morning. This unshakeable cough has really brought me down. What I didn't particularly love was having to get to option 9 in your auto-attendant to begin holding (9 minutes) to schedule that appointment. Having an option for groups of physicians doesn't really help a person who doesn't have a particular doctor to see.

I also appreciated that my wait wasn't particularly long when I arrived at your clinic today. However, I didn't appreciate that the woman checking me in asked and updated the exact same information that the woman who scheduled my appointment asked and updated while I was on the phone scheduling the appointment.

Apparently the doctor wasn't running behind, and after my appointment, I'm almost certain I know why. The four minutes that she spent in the room with me were wonderful, but since I admitted that I was having a hard time taking a deep breath, I do wish she had spent maybe a little more time listening to my lungs. While I do have congestion in my head now, the first two and a half weeks of this cough my sinuses were free and clear which makes the sinus infection diagnosis seem wrong to me. But, you're the experts I guess and I'm just the patient with chest pain when she breaths.

I guess that isn't really important, since you did give me a prescription for ammoxicillin and I had pneumonia enough times as a kid to know that that's the script you'd offer if I was right and you're wrong so we're all good there.

Oh yeah, before I forget. About that script? When you tell a patient at 11:25 a.m. that their script has been sent to their preferred pharmacy, the patient should be able to head to that pharmacy after work and find their antibiotic waiting for them. Unless of course the pharmacy hasn't actually received the prescription, in which case the patient and the pharmacy will be irritated. Especially after the Pharm Tech attempts to get the prescription over the phone and the best they can be offered is to take the information and leave a message for the doctor. That's going to help the patient get well fast.

So dear doctor's office, in closing, if you could stop "updating" and "sending" things and instead update and send things, that would be great. My experience would have been greatly enhanced.

Much love,

Kim

P.S. When updating a medical history, if you ask about the patient's cancer history and she admits quite teary that her mother passed away from breast cancer, it is perhaps not best to ask, simply for your own curiosity "Wow, she must have be really young, right?" Also, it probably isn't best to point out how hard it must have been when the patient's children were born, what with no grandma around.

P.P.S. I take back the Much Love thing. I meant "Much Love."

Whirlwind Week Winding Down

2010-10-09T08:48:00.000-05:00

This week has been a whirlwind of activity. There are still dishes on my stove from chili I made on Sunday and I haven't managed a single load of laundry all week. The whirlwind was supposed to be continuing through today but it's not.

If life had been going as planned, I would be with my husband right now, visiting the place where we really first connected. Instead I'm sitting at the kitchen table with the laptop, last week's episode of Glee and a pile of Kleenex.

To back up almost 10 years, J and I met when we were both leaders at a church retreat for high schoolers. The camp that we were at was already important to me because of the development of my own faith and when you add in that I fell in love with my husband there, it holds a pretty special place in my heart.

Now that J is back working in the church we grew up in, that camp is again a part of our lives. He is speaking and leading worship for the confirmation kids this weekend and our original plan included the boys and I heading up there for the day. We were going to leave bright and early this morning and spend the day at camp with the boys. I was going to leave this evening and drive home, while J would take the bus home tomorrow with the rest of the leaders and the campers.

It was a great plan until I got home from work yesterday, sat down on the couch and quickly went from feeling fine to spiking a temp over 101 while chilled to the bone. I was out of commission for the evening and our plans for today quickly changed.

I am bummed for so many reasons.

J and I haven't been up at camp together since before we were married. I was really looking forward to, as cheesey as it sounds, standing in the place where we hugged for the first time. You can bet I planned on taking a picture and blogging about it.

I crave time with my husband and I was so looking forward to sitting in the car with him, Caribou Coffee in hand while our children snoozed in the back seat. With his work schedules and two very active boys I take what alone time I can get!

The camp caretakers are such fun people, and I count the wife half of that couple as a friend. I haven't been to camp since before e was born and haven't seen her in almost four and a half years. That's a hug I was really looking forward to.

Minnesota is stunning this weekend. Leaves are golden and falling, crunching underfoot. We've got record high temps forecasted. I was excited about running around with my boys, able to spend time in the beautiful outdoors.

So instead of all of these wonderful things, I'll be here. The fever is gone (of course) and I'm left with a stuffed up head, two perfectly fine kids and piles of laundry and dishes.

My whirlwind week is winding down one day earlier than I expected and I'm going to make the most of it. If you'll excuse me, I'm at least going to get that cup of Caribou Coffee.

Write Pink

2010-10-08T07:32:00.000-05:00

Hey folks, I'm over here today, writing about something near and dear to my heart, Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

I may not be a Doctor, and I'm certainly not an expert, but I am someone who has lost her mother and doesn't want to see others in the same place I was.

Check it out:

A Deadly Acronym

Lazy and out of Practice

2010-09-30T19:22:00.000-05:00

Here it comes, another apology. I only do this every two months or so.

Sorry I haven't been blogging. But hey, it's fall, I'm busy, and gosh darn it, my husband works two jobs!

But, I'm also lazy and out of practice, so today, you get my beloved bullet points following no pattern at all!

Try to withhold your excitement.

Really.

Husband's new job is in a church. That shouldn't really surprise anyone since I mentioned he was back working in ministry and this isn't Hogwarts. We're not talking about the Ministry of Magic.
Oh my goodness the second to last Harry Potter movie comes out in November. This had better equal a date night for J and I.
That was a tangent. Back to the church thing. We're actually kind of attending the church that J and I grew up in. I say kind of because his office is in that church, but said church also purchased a second church building not that long ago and has become a multi-site church. We are attending in the new building on Sunday mornings and I can not really find the words to tell you how excited I am about this building and these people and our potential to really do church and life together well.
Tomorrow is October. I love this, and I hate this. We've talked about this before, but who knows. If Oreo comes out with pink filled cookies this month I may just spew my angry words out all over again but for now I'll rein it in and we'll just say awareness = good.
j is loving first grade and he is going to lose his top two teeth soon. Thankfully picture day was yesterday and his teeth held out for that. I don't know what is wrong with me, I don't love the gap tooth grin past the first ten minutes. I'd hate if it was recorded in his yearbook for years to come.
e is in preschool three days a week and that is a huge, gigantic disaster. Kind of. So far the bus company has failed to pick him up twice, had to come back for him twice, been almost 45 minutes late dropping him off once and today they even tried to take him to school on a non-school day. Oh yes. You read that right. The bus company owner shops at my sister-in-law's bakery. I'm going to ask her to start withholding their donuts until they can get their act together.
I'm turning 30 next July. Yeah, that is months from now, but Kathy, if you're reading this (and I know you are) I told J that walking into the surprise party that surely he is planning on throwing me and seeing you there would be the best gift ever. Start saving for airfare and heck, bring Juli along too. Oh, and join Twitter already. Please.
Yeah, I know the other 15 of you that read my blog are not Kathy. Sorry about that.
I am very excited for Christmas, because much like years past, I'm hoping on making most of my gifts. And, much like years past, I'll probably give up and shop on Christmas Eve, but whatever. I can enjoy making the lists and dreaming of fabric for now.
I want to learn how to play the banjo. I think it is good to have life goals so I'm putting that one on the list. Now I just need a banjo.
I'm going to have a giveaway soon, mostly just to entice you all into coming back and reading. Sneaky.

If you were going to bullet point one thing to tell me, what would it be? Comment and let me know. I miss you people.

3 a.m. Updates

2010-09-18T03:19:00.000-05:00

It's pretty much the middle of the night in my small household and I'm snuggled up on the cough with the laptop. While I am appreciative of this, my first alone time with our computer in a few weeks, I would much rather be asleep, but a slightly sore throat, insatiable thirst and the effects of caffeine too late in the day make that impossible right now.

So here I sit. What can I tell you about our life right now?

I suppose the biggest news is that J got a new job. In addition to the full time job he already had, he took a part time position in the church he and I both grew up in working with the high school youth ministry. I know that my husband is supposed to be working in ministry so while it certainly makes life interesting to have him working two jobs, it is a change I will support. That does explain my lack of computer time though, as he is very much a Mac guy and has been taking our laptop to church rather than work exclusively on the desktop PC in his office.

Both boys are in school now. j is in first grade and e is in preschool 3 days a week. They are also at a new daycare so it really has been a month of change. Both boys have been adapting to our new schedule well, and both are still in a phase of loving school which I hope lasts a long time!

I went to a wedding after work yesterday. It was a strange experience watching one of the twins I started babysitting when they were seven be married to her high school sweetheart because I still can't believe fifteen years have passed since the day they moved in across the street.

After the wedding I had a pretty spectacular date. With a six and a half year old. One of the things I hate about getting ready in the morning is trying to wake j up and convincing him to get dressed. He thinks he'll wake up better with an alarm so he and I had a Target date to pick up a clock radio and then a Perkins date for some french toast. He was great company and I'd almost forgotten what a sweet boy he is when he and his brother aren't fighting. I think that means I need to get him out alone more often.

Okay, my battery is almost dead and I'm actually yawning again. Maybe throwing down some words was all the sleep aid I needed.

Flying my Flag

2010-08-27T07:18:00.006-05:00

This past Monday would have been my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary. Instead, today we reflect on 8 years without my Mom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People ask why I continue to be involved with the Komen 3-Day for the Cure.

It is so difficult. So exhausting. So emotionally draining. Why continue to walk, to fundraise, to captain a team?

That first year I set out with a singular, significant purpose. I was walking to honor the memory of my Mom, a woman taken too soon from this life. I was able to raise over $6,000.00 that year as I walked with her on my heart. I made a statement of great value to my family and me, raising $1,000.00 for each year she’d been gone.

I walked a difficult road that first year to prove that my Mom was worth it. Her life had value and would NEVER be forgotten.

While my involvement in the Komen 3-Day for the Cure is never going to change the past, I continue to do what I do for the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I continue to support Komen and their efforts because there are still things we don’t know about Breast Cancer. There are still questions that remain unanswered.

My mother had Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Never heard of it? Neither had I. IBC is a small 5% of total breast cancer cases. But while breast cancer overall has a 5 year survival rate in the 95% area, IBC’s 5 year survival rate is less than 50%.

IBC isn’t always a clear cut lump, and there are still Doctors out there who will dismiss the symptoms as having nothing to do with the potential for cancer. Changes in the skin, being, red, warm or dimpled like an orange can all be symptoms. Itching or pain in the breast can often be brushed off by both Doctors and patients as being nothing to worry about because they can still indicate other things.

Some may say that we’re all aware of breast cancer, but until Doctors and patients understand all of the forms this disease can take, I would argue we still need more awareness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We all have some thing, or some things in our life that we plant a flag over. Something that causes you to stop and say “this is important to me.” To some it is Autism Awareness. To others Heart Disease. Equal rights. Matters of faith. Social justice. We each have a flag. Some big, some small. My flag is Breast Cancer Awareness and Research.

Our flags may not match, you may not agree, and that is okay. But please, today, in honor of the woman who lost her battle with breast cancer 8 years ago, promise me something.

Promise me you’ll take care of your body. Have a physical yearly. When you get to the age recommended by your Doctor or dictated by your personal family history, have the screenings you need. Get your cholesterol checked, put up with your pap smears, and yes, have mammograms. And this is so important, know, really know your body. If something changes, see your Doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mom, you are loved and so very much missed. I can only hope you are proud of the way I've lived the last 8 years of my life without you.

K

Eau de Peanut Butter

2010-08-12T19:41:00.001-05:00

Once when I was a young child of, I don't know, five maybe, I decided that I wanted a new necklace. Having been the creative type from well, birth, I decided to make my own. So, I chewed up some gum, took it out of my mouth, stretched it around my neck and stuck the two ends together.

Viola! A necklace!

A necklace that I didn't want to pull apart and ruin, so I took it off like you take any large necklace off. Over my head.

Well, I tried anyway and as one could guess, I got that necklace pretty well stuck in my hair and my darling mother, may she rest in peace, had to control her anger while wielding what seemed like a gigantic scissors to cut that gum right outta my hair.

Not the smartest idea I've ever had.

And, you know how parents sometimes mutter things under their breath to their children? Things like "I hope someday you have a child just like you" or "Someday, someday you'll be in this same situation, and you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to watch and laugh as you try to parent through it with grace and patience."

Yeah, yeah, I know, and I know that my mom has been laughing from above as I've tried parenting through my own little gum situation with grace and patience.

No gum in the hair in our house, but unfortunately my little gum problem wasn't something I could just grab scary scissors and cut out.

My gum problem was a sticky, linty, streaky mess through the inside of my dryer. Oh no.

Oh yes. Somebody (me) didn't check the pockets of clothes belonging to someone else (probably my six year old son) and I had an epic mess on my hands. Well, not on my hands. On my dryer, obviously.

I considered my options. Clorox wipe? Fail. Goo-Gone? Flammable solvent into my dryer, probably not such a smart idea. Ice and a chisel? I had neither. So, while I have never needed this secret tip in the past, I decided to give peanut butter the ol' college try. (And by ol' college try I mean try it for two years, five days and then quitting and never looking back. Oh look, my mother just rolled over in her grave.)

I sat on my basement floor dabbing peanut butter all over the inside of that relatively new and oh so necessary appliance. I talked nicely too it, telling it how much I love it and appreciate all of its hard work and if it could come clean I would never forget to empty its lint filter again. You know, typical deals with the ~~devil~~ dryer.

A tablespoon of peanut goodness and 30 minutes later, plus some elbow grease and a few wasted paper towels, and the inside of my dryer is back to its sparkly white nearly new condition and I can get back to climbing Mt. Laundry without a harness or ropes. Heaven help me.

And as a bonus, this little problem could make me irresistible. Cocoa butter legs and peanut butter clothes will make me a walking, breathing Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

Let the Countdown Begin!

2010-08-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

The 2010 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure season is underway. Boston and Chicago have 60 miles under their belts and Michigan kicks off in under 48 hours.

The Twin Cities event begins in a little over a week and there is so much I could tell you, I'm just going to go with bullet points, rapid fire.

Team Boobs, Sweat & Tears has topped $20,000.00 this year and I am so incredibly proud of each and every person we have called a member of the team since we started on this journey in 2008. To date we have raised over $60,000.00 in the fight against breast cancer.
I had a conference call with my crew team captain and some of the other members of our crew team to discuss last minute details and I'm really looking forward to getting to know this great group of women on event.
But, I've really struggled with my decision to crew this year, especially with six walkers on my team. I want to spend 60 miles laughing and crying and generally having a blast with them.
Another but...but, two of my favorite people have been a balm to my soul, reminding me that while I won't be encouraging the six of them every step of the way, I will be able to encourage each and every walker as they head out onto the route in the morning and return to camp in the evening. I have very wise teammates.
The Posing for Pink calendar is amazing, and does it ever deserve a post of its own. If you want to purchase one you can do so here, or if you're local, let me know and I can meet you and sell you one in person!
My fundraising goal, even as a crew member was to meet the walker minimum of $2300.00. While my involvement looks very different this year, this isn't any less important to me. If you want to help support me, big or small, you can do so here. Every dollar makes a difference.
I need to start packing this weekend because these next few days are going to fly by and crew day is going to be here before I know it.
I'm hoping to be able to tweet while I'm on event and my plan is to get a list up of all of the walkers that I know will be tweeting during their 3-Day journey so you can follow them too.

Lots to do before my favorite 3 days of the year!

A Zig, A Zag and Why I Quilt

2010-08-05T21:33:00.000-05:00

I love quilts. I love designing them. I love creating them. I love admiring them. But perhaps most importantly for myself, I love to snuggle under them.

While I admire people who create art quilts and have work hanging in galleries and homes, I want the quilts I make to keep babies warm. I want them to host picnics, and transform a child into a superhero when worn as a cape. I want the corners of my quilts to dry tears during sad movies, and to remind faraway family of home. I want the quilts I make to make the recipient feel my love or the love of the person that had me create it for them.

My latest finish was a gift from my sister to the new baby of one of her college roommates.

It is my sincerest hope that this quilt gets spit up on during tummy time. I hope it cushions her back during diaper changes. I hope it gets dragged along by a corner when she learns to walk and I hope she naps with it when she is sick, sad, or just plain tired. I hope it always gets packed when she goes to Grandma's house, and I hope that she someday packs it away in a box as something worth keeping from her childhood. I hope this quilt is not just loved and admired but is a part of her life.

Details: I used the half square triangle method of doing a zig-zag quilt. Amy has great directions here. I helped my sister chose the fabrics to match the baby's nursery.

O Baby, It's a Birthday Shirt!

2010-07-20T20:42:00.000-05:00

Last week I met Allison from O My Family at a coffee shop somewhere between her house and mine.

At said coffee shop I handed her this:

And when she opened it she found this:

And on the back side of this:

She found this:

All to help celebrate O Baby's first birthday.

And while I can take pictures on my lawn, Allison got to take pictures on the O so adorable O Baby on his first birthday in his birthday duds. Go check out the adorableness that is that boy. Seriously. My womb is fluttering. Again.

I really enjoyed making O Baby's 1 onesie, and while Allison wasn't expecting a matching (and reversible!!!) bib, it was fun to surprise her with it. While I love to quilt, I also love these smaller projects that I can sit down and finish in a single sitting.

And, I did buy the onesie in a four pack, so maybe, just maybe, there will be an Etsy shop in my future. What do you think?

Keeping Busy Without Plans

2010-07-14T21:10:00.001-05:00

J and I are in a small group at a church we're, ahem, not attending. But, attending the church or not, we continue to meet every month or two with four other families.

The last time we met one couple had their hands full with two young children, and another was just two months away from the arrival of their first child. They were talking about the challenges of finding time to do necessary tasks around the house, things like yard work, decorating, and basic house cleaning.

Despite facing our own challenges to do some of those things I immediately offered to watch the set of siblings for a Saturday so Mom and Dad could have an entire day to do what they wanted to cross things off their to-do list. It seemed like a nice thing to do and was well received until I said this: "Every weekend in May is open. Pick one."

That statement was met with incredulous stares, open mouths, and more than one "what?!?!? How can you not have weekend plans for the entire month???"

You see, here in Minnesota we take our summers seriously. You never know when spring is going to end or when fall is going to arrive, so we have a tendency to book our calendars until there is no empty space left to maximize what we get. Last summer we had three weddings in two weeks in July. Add in training for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure, weekends at the lake, a marathon training husband, and a holiday or two and the summer is gone.

Not this year. I'm crewing the 3-Day this year, so no long training walks for me. We've deliberately not booked out our weekends and it is wonderful. I love spending relaxed time with my boys. I love getting a text from my niece and meeting them at the in-laws pool in an hour. I love last minute trips to Sonic for Limeades and Slushes. I love getting a call from my Dad asking if we can come to dinner in two hours and actually being able to go.

I've been really busy at work these days and I need my weekends. And this, this summer without commitments, it may be our best summer yet.

Exceptional Parenting, I Swear

2010-07-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm a Mom who spends her days working outside of the home, and as much as I'd like to say that each day I come home fresh and ready to spend hours with my children on educational play, fine and gross motor skill development, and emotional nurturing, that just isn't the truth.

Some days I come home and head right back out into a sprinkler or a hose fight.

But sometimes I come home exhausted and I sneak a quick nap before I need to think about dinner.

Some days I come home and lavish my boys with kisses and tickles that turn into a mommy wrestling match on the living room rug.

And sometimes, I come home, we eat, and then...

Wait for it...

Keep waiting...

I watch television with my children.

Not even going to apologize.

Here are a few shows that we love to watch with the boys.

Electric Company: Hey you g-uys!!! The original Electric Company was a little before my time, and belongs a bit more to people my husband's age. However, I love the new version, and our 6 year old is an equally big fan. The hip hop beats and silly lyrics really get him thinking about how letters interact and work together to make sounds, and he'll be the first to tell you that "silent e is a ninja." Actually, he won't tell you. He'll sing you the song.

Wipeout: Seriously, this show gets the wiggles out of our kids. They laugh hysterically at people taking massive spills into the pool, and then they jump from ottoman to chair to floor like they are conquering the big balls themselves. With a summer to play and a slip and slide at the ready, we're all dreaming up plans for our own backyard obstacle course Wipeout style.

America's Got Talent: I love talent shows, they always make me cry. Something about people realizing a dream gets me every time. While I'm especially fond of the musicians featured on the show, our boys love the more physical acts. They love to watch the magicians, the jugglers and the martial artists, and the hip hop dancers never fail to inspire j into showing us his moves, slip sliding around on the hardwood floors.

Minute to Win it: Have you caught an episode of this game show yet? Not only is it hosted by the huge personality of the Food Network's Guy Fieri, it is crazy cool. The idea is that each challenge has to be completed in a minute, and each uses things you probably have in your house, which means you can watch it on the show and then make your own attempt. Our boys were especially entertaining as they tried to slide nuts (nuts and bolts kind of nuts) off of a pencil and into a stack. Even the 3 year old got into the act, concentrating with the tip of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth just like his mama. This is another show that will probably translate into our own family games this summer.

So, I fully admit to watching the boob tube with my kids. (Why do people call it that???) Will you admit it? What are your favorite shows to watch with yours?

To The Jerk That Stole My Hubcap

2010-07-06T18:58:00.000-05:00

You suck.

That's all.

Love,

One Step at a Time

2010-06-14T21:18:00.000-05:00

I own four pairs of Brooks Glycerin running shoes.

I own approximately eighteen pairs of Balega No Show athletic socks at nine dollars a pop.

I own five running skirts.

A gallon bottle of blue Gatorade is a constant in our refrigerator.

Laundry day routinely includes a load of dirty, sweaty, stinky technical fiber apparel.

So, if it dresses like a runner, drinks like a runner, and does the laundry of a runner, it must be...

A non-runner.

I know, I'm confused too. See, I own all of the spendy stuff as a result of two years of participation in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure. And the Gatorade and stinky, sweaty laundry belong to my husband.

He's a runner.

I'm not. I never have been. Up until last fall I'd never run an entire mile without stopping. Ever. Even through years of gym class and the silly presidential fitness award. I'd manage to make it around four laps of the track, but never without walking at least some of it, and I often came in last, barely making it in the 12 minutes allowed.

I've often told my runner husband that I don't understand running. I think heading out and walking 60 miles is normal, but running 26.2 is certifiably crazy. I just don't get it. I watch him run and I watch him sweat, I watch him stretch and I watch him look uncomfortable some times. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I may not understand running, but I am in love with a runner, and because of that, I'm going to strive to figure it out.

I've started the Couch to 5K program. I'm 3 workouts in, and Tuesday I'll do the first of three workouts in week two. Week one had me running for 60 seconds followed by a 90 second walk, eight times, plus a warm up and cool down.

I walked in the door after my first workout and said "I didn't die!" I was pleasantly surprised the morning after, as I wasn't sore and I wasn't dreading the next workout.

I covered two miles on day one, two miles on day two with a little extra running thrown in, and by workout three I ended up with an extra tenth of a mile or so. I know a tenth of a mile doesn't seem like a lot, but knowing that I was moving a little faster overall was good to know.

While I'm still not a runner, I'm taking baby steps that direction and someday I'll be able to walk out the front door, put a bike helmet on j, toss e in the jogging stroller, and go for a run with my running husband.

I can't wait.

An Apple for Teacher

2010-06-13T20:17:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday was j's last day of kindergarten. While I've known since, well, September that this day was coming, it snuck up on me some how. I must have been too busy digging my way out from under a mountain of laundry to look at a calendar which is why I walked in the door from work last Friday in a panic. While technically I had started j's teacher's gift, I was much, much, much closer to the start than I was to the finish.

Oh, did I mention that this gift that I needed to finish was a quilt? Now not a queen size or anything, but a quilt none the less.

j had picked out fabrics with me a couple of months ago and I'd worked out the quilt design in my head and in excel. I had one prototype block done with 4 full days and an evening ahead of me until the last day of school.

I sat down Friday with my sewing machine and the laptop side by side. I needed to work with this open because I was terrified I would not pay attention and put a color in the wrong place.

Slowly but surely I got my blocks together and the scene at the kitchen table started to look a lot more like this.

I stopped taking pictures at this point, but I got my pieced blocks together and added some extra squares of the apple fabric between them. I got my top together to match the plan I'd mapped out in excel and realized that I'd changed the dimensions from originally designing in excel to cutting fabric in real life and I wasn't happy with what I'd ended up with. The proportions were wrong, as it ended up almost 4 feet long and barely 30 inches wide. I threw three more pieced squares together, added more apple fabric and finally had a finished top I was happy with, as the quilt was now a very nicely proportioned 3 feet by 4 feet.

With a finished top I was back into unfamiliar territory, as I knew I wanted to have a couple of firsts with this quilt. One, I wanted to piece some extra fabrics into the back, and two, I was going to try my hand at free motion quilting.

Sunday afternoon I pieced my back, ran to pick up some extra batting and cream thread and then gave myself a pep talk to end all pep talks. I put my free motion foot on my machine, put the pedal to the floor and practiced both stippling and a loopy quilting pattern on a small 12 inch by 12 inch sample. I decided to stipple.

I put the corner of the quilt on the machine, took a deep breath and stippled a small 6 by 6 area. Then I took it off the machine and ripped every stitch out.

I put it back on the machine and decided to do the looping pattern instead, as it seemed a lot more forgiving than the stipple. I did the same 6 by 6 area and then I took it off the machine and I ripped every stitch out.

But, the third time was the charm and I was happy with that 6 by 6 area so I kept right on going. Two hours, 5 or 6 bobbins, a bad stitch or ~~two~~ two hundred and I was done. Quilting anyway. It is just too bad the quilting isn't the last step.

Now, because making and sewing the binding to the quilt, and then hand stitching the binding to the back of the quilt would just be too easy to do on Monday, I let it go until Tuesday. Yes, the night before the last day of school.

11:53 pm Tuesday night I put the last stitch into the binding. I said a prayer and threw the finished quilt into the washing machine with a color catcher all with my fingers crossed. Nothing bled, no stitches broke so I jumped up and down, threw it in the dryer and fell into bed.

The morning of the last day of school I grabbed it from the dryer, hand stitched a label to the back and took the kids out front to take a picture or two before wrapping it beautifully in a Target bag and heading to daycare and school.

Here is the front.

Here is the back.

j's teacher loves it. j loves it. I love it and with a different print and different colors, I would do it again.

Like next year for a first grade teacher. But I'm starting in September.

One of the Good Ones

2010-05-25T22:55:00.003-05:00

Tonight while standing in my kitchen, cupboards open trying to plan dinner, I came to the sad and sorry conclusion that with all of the food in my house we had absolutely nothing to eat. So, I did what any normal person would do in that situation. I went to the grocery store for one thing in order to make a meal worth eating.

Rice.

Also, like most people, I left the grocery store with rice and a few other things. Like a candy bar.

And a dose of regret.

In the checkout lane next to me stood my high school health teacher. I greeted her, reminded her of my name and class and mentioned my sister, because we all know how deep seeded my roots as L's little sister are. (I know Gramma, grow up, stop being bitter, I am my own person, yadda yadda yadda. I swear I'm kidding.) We exchanged pleasantries as we packed up and walked to our cars.

I'm living in the same city where I grew up. I am married with two adorable boys. She is still teaching and our new high school is stunningly beautiful.

As I backed out of my parking spot I considered going back, chasing her down, because I didn't say what I should have said.

I should have said this:

Ms. D,

You were one of the good ones. One of the teachers who without knowing, made an impact on my life.

I saw it again tonight. The smile that you always had for your students. The smile that communicated that you were focused on them and them alone. A smile that really meant you cared. A smile that gave away your passion for what you were doing.

I fell asleep in your class once. Some friends and I had the bright idea of pulling an all nighter to study for our AP U.S. History test. I'd practically OD'd on Mountain Dew in the previous 10 hours and I dozed off during a video, or a film strip, or maybe even a lecture. You didn't yell, you weren't visibly angry or upset. You woke me gently with concern that I had made a bad decision. You were right. It was a horrible decision and I'm pretty sure I failed that history test.

Your compassion went far beyond the walls of your classroom. I remember you telling a story of being stopped at a light when the man in the car next to you hit the woman in his passenger seat. You said you rolled down your window and told her she could get out of his car then and there and get in yours, you would make sure she was safe. I've prayed that if I were ever to witness the same that I would be able to react with the same courage, strength and compassion that you did.

You taught us with humor and fun. I remember you teaching us that swearing wasn't cool. That it really was just plain stupid. You standing in the front of the room saying "Oh feces!" Or walking us through the logic of the f-bomb. If the effinheimer really means sexual intercourse, and flipping the bird is saying eff you, than really what you are saying is "sexual intercourse you!" You stood in the front of that classroom flipping us all off while saying "sexual intercourse you" over and over again. And while we've avoided four letter words in our house for now, I do plan on using that logic with my sons when they decide to push the limits of their vocabulary someday.

When talking about pain and withdrawal, you made us give up an addiction and journal our physical and emotional reactions. While some of my classmates were fighting addictions to caffeine, or nicotine or alcohol, you didn't scoff when I chose to give up music for the project. You acknowledged the significant place it had in my life and supported me through the project just like you supported each of my classmates battling a physical addiction.

Oh, and I remember everything you said about drugs, alcohol, STD's and contraceptives.

That's all.

Thank you Ms. D for the lessons. The easy lessons, the simple lessons, the hard lessons and the lessons I didn't realized I'd learned until now. You were one of the good ones, the kind, compassionate, wonderful teachers who's impact really goes farther than you know.

Sincerely and with much love,

Kim

You see, now that is what I should have said.

Birthday Poem

2010-05-17T00:01:00.003-05:00

First, a simple Target tee

Then, to that, you add a three

So a happy day there'll be

For a birthday boy named e

Happy birthday to my favorite second son! It seems like just yesterday I was screaming in pain, searching for drugs and welcoming you and your big head into the world.

*I made a birthday shirt for j for his 6th birthday in March and I'm pretty bummed that I waited this long to start the tradition. 20 minutes of effort for a pretty fantastically adorable result right?!?!?

Dear World, I'm Sorry.

2010-05-13T19:13:00.000-05:00

I feel like the only things I have time to say these days are apologies.

To my boss, I'm sorry I can't fit more than 8 hours of work in my 8 hour day. I'm trying, really I am.

To my husband, I'm sorry I have been coming home later than normal.

To my kids, I'm sorry my fuse has been shorter than normal.

To my friends, I'm sorry for e-mails returned much to late, or quite frankly, e-mails I've never gotten around to returning at all.

To Gramma, and BlogHer, sorry about the lack of posts.

To my sister, I'm sorry about that quilt I still have to finish.

To my teammates, I'm sorry you feel out of the loop with our fundraiser, I kind of do too.

To my mother, I'm sorry I never visited your grave the last time I was in town.

To myself, I'm sorry about the skipped lunches and the new reliance on morning caffeine, a habit you were once so pleased to have kicked.

To anyone else who thinks they deserve an apology, I'm sorry I didn't say I'm sorry to you.

Posing For Pink Video

2010-04-28T19:00:00.001-05:00

Way back in March I got all fancied up, took a swig of liquid courage and took off some of my clothes for a photographer.

Now if your stopping by for the first time, you probably just judged me, so let me quickly tell you that I did it all for a good cause, and I really wasn't that uncovered.

If you've been around for a while you know I'm talking about my Posing for Pink Calendar shoot.

I haven't talked a lot about it, but let me say, it was amazing. Both my individual shoot and the group cover shoot were fantastic experiences. The calendar girls are all amazingly beautiful and it was an honor to be among them.

Now while I still can't leak too much in the way of calendar design, or any of my own photos, I can share this Posing for Pink promotional video with you. Like everything Posing for Pink, this video is amazing. Again, I am so lucky to be a calendar girl.

2011 Posing For Pink Calendar Release from Mike Francis on Vimeo.

Seriously, if you were not sure about buying a calendar before, you are now right?!? And I promise, I don't have a double chin in the calendar, and I'm quite confident my belly is not hanging out.

Also, if you're local and love to golf, watch my blog for info on Posing for Pink's first annual golf tournament, or simply visit the Posing for Pink website here.

I'm Fine. Maybe

2010-04-21T18:48:00.000-05:00

Hi! How are you?

Good? Good!

Me? Oh, um, I'm fine. Yeah, that's it. I'm fine.

What do you mean you don't believe me?

Oh, I normally answer with "fantastic"? Yeah, I guess you're right, that is kinda my word. Nope, not fantastic, sorry.

Actually, I guess if I'm being honest, I'm not even fine.

I.Am.Overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with virtually every aspect of my life, both personal and professional.

We're entering our busy season at work, except it seems to have started early this year and I already have visions of not being able to keep up. Visions of early mornings, short lunches and paperwork when the phones have finally gone silent at the end of the day.

I volunteered at my last 3-Day for the Cure Get Started Meeting last night but spent the last hour finally catching up on e-mails related to the 3-Day. Team Boobs, Sweat & Tears has a fundraising Spaghetti Dinner and Silent Auction in May. Posing for Pink has a Calendar Release Party in June, and a golf tournament in July. Hard to believe the event is already in August. It will be here before we know it!

I'm pretty sure that for every shirt I wash, my sons dirty another 4 pairs of shorts, and for every pair of jeans I wash my boys go through 6 shirts. While I finally have a functioning washer and dryer in my house and don't need to go to the laundromat, my laundry mountains aren't turning into hills. Not to mention, the laundry is trying to kill me. In the last two weeks I have slipped on the concrete floor in the laundry room when the tub overflowed and tripped over my two year old while carrying two baskets full of clean laundry. Concrete floor, hardwood floor. Nothing makes me feel older than falling and being stiff and sore within minutes.

My youngest son will be 3 soon, and my oldest is almost done with his year of kindergarten. They are growing and changing every day and I feel like I blink and miss something.

My e-mail is out of control, I haven't actually blogged in weeks, I can't remember the last time I commented on a blog and I send an average of two tweets a week.

I promised my sister a quilt for a friend and that friend is going to have a baby any day. The quilt is still in squares on my ironing board.

I need more hours in my day and I need those hours to slow down just a little bit too.

I know this isn't unique to me, and I know that it really is just a season in my life. Soon my children will be old and grown, and I'll be lamenting about how I have nothing to do.

But, for now, I'm going to hit publish and go cross something off my list, even if it is only this: To do: blog.

Reeling

2010-04-09T21:44:00.000-05:00

It was almost 9 o'clock and I was busy trying to convince the younger boy that sleeping was significantly cooler than the Legos he could see strewn all over his bedroom floor.

My cell phone rang and I glanced at the caller ID, no name appeared, just a local number. I quickly hit ignore so it wouldn't further disrupt the boy who was finally beginning to settle down.

Within a split second of sending the call to voicemail I realized I did recognize the number. Somewhere deep in my brain it occurred to me that that number was only two digits different from a number that used to belong to me. A number I had all but forgotten. An extension in the company I worked for almost five years ago. I have very few connections left to that former job and couldn't imagine why someone would be calling. I anxiously waited for the telltale beep letting me know my mystery caller had indeed left a voicemail.

"Hi Kimberly." I recognized the voice immediately. A voice I hadn't heard in three years, maybe more. "I got your number from N, I hope that is okay. Listen, I really need to talk to you so if you could give me a call back and leave me a message letting me know when is a good time to call you, that would be great."

I rolled out of the bottom bunk, not wanting to disturb j by making a call, and abandoned my attempt to get e to bed.

While I expected to get a voicemail, I caught that former co-worker before he finished his break and he got right to the point. "How you doing girly?" While I smiled at something so familiar, so him, he continued without allowing me a chance to answer. "Listen, it's Mary, and it's not good. The cancer is back and she just left the hospital go do hospice at her Mom's place. A bunch of us are hoping to visit so I'll let you know what we get planned." We talked about the situation for a few minutes but he had to get back to teaching a class and I had to get back to convincing a kid to sleep.

I hadn't even set the phone down before the tears began, and I sat alone on my couch sobbing.

Mary was one of the people I'd lost track of. I loved every minute she and I were co-workers, and while we had lunch a few times after she left the company, and she sent me a Christmas card almost every year, it had been a few years since I had spoken to her. Having young kids and "being busy" is a really crappy excuse for being a bad friend and when that co-worker told me that her cancer was back, it made me ill to think that I never knew it was there the first time.

I shared with that former co-worker that only a few days ago, seemingly out of the blue Mary had been on my mind. I wondered how she was doing and figured that I probably had her address from a Christmas card somewhere. I considered dropping her a note, but hadn't done it yet.

To go from wondering how someone is doing, thinking about things like if they are working, or if they have grandkids yet to finding out that they are dying is a shock. A shock that I am still reeling from.

She is around my mother's age. Her kids are a few years younger than I am. Turns out she does have a new grandbaby.

And she is dying. And I am reeling.

I'm not sure of the moral to this story, but I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Cancer sucks.

Goals or Dreams?

2010-04-07T17:11:00.000-05:00

It isn't uncommon for me to have a to-do list sitting on my desk at work every day.

It also isn't uncommon for me to have a list tacked to the fridge or a bulletin board in the house.

These lists contain things easy to cross off. Tasks that are easy to finish, or things I must do on a daily basis.

But, hidden deep in the recesses of my brain, and hidden in my heart is another list. A list of dreams. Maybe even goals, but definitely not the kind of thing I can simply finish in a few minutes and cross off a list.

Like many bloggers, I want to be a published author someday. I'd love to write children's books and have a couple bouncing around in my head.

I would also love to someday turn my love of quilts and quilting into pattern writing.

And you probably know that I'm pretty heavily involved with the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure, but I want to continue to do more. I would love to someday be on the board of a non-profit that raises money for research and local support in the breast cancer community.

I know that all of these things can be a reality someday. I've got a lot of life left, and as long as I've got them on the horizon, I can continue to work towards them.

What is a long term goal or dream of yours? Do share.

The Power of Words

2010-04-05T06:38:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I saw a commercial for a new show on NBC called Who Do You Think You Are.

The show follows a celebrity through the process of researching their genealogy. I found the concept of the show to be incredibly intriguing, especially because the teasers always showed the celebrity's reaction to some information that was shocking or emotional.

I actually sat down and watched an episode of the show a couple of weeks ago and it really was as good as I expected it to be. It was fun to watch Matthew Broderick find out that he had a Great Great Great something fight in the Civil War and then discover where his grave was. It was cool to see them look through census records to see when someone was counted and when they weren't.

As much as I enjoyed the show, it was also a very emotional experience for me to watch it. I'm not sure if it would have been as emotional if it had been a different celebrity, as they each bring their own story and history to the table, and in this case, Matthew Broderick's story really resonated with me on a couple of levels.

His grandparents died when he was quiet young, and with the death of his father he lost the source of information about them.

My paternal grandparents both died before I was born. I think. Maybe my grandmother died when I was very young? See, I don't even know that. While my father is still around, we just don't talk about his parents. I don't think it is something he is avoiding, it just isn't a topic of conversation.

But, the thing that struck me even more when I gave it some thought is that we are in this situation with our children.

Our children have two grandmothers that they will know only through our words. j knows who my mother is and recognizes her picture. e does not. I don't think we even have a photo of J's mother in our house.

It isn't fair that it is this way. My boys should know the feel of their grandmother's hugs, not just hear me tell them that they would have been loved.

And I really don't know, how is it possible for our words to do justice for two amazing women?

A Perfect Saturday

2010-04-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

What a wonderful day, both already behind me and still on the horizon.

I'm sitting at my new (to me) kitchen table with a Caribou Cooler by my side. The sun is shining outside, and I can see the beautiful, glinting reflections on the ripples of the pond outside our back windows.

We had wonderful spring rains yesterday and the ground is already bursting forth with green.

My husband is out for a run (because he's healthy like that) with a group from our new, local running store. I love how he is doing what he can to make sure that this store is a success for the owner, as our end of the Twin Cities area was sorely lacking in such a store.

I've already been out and about twice. I headed to the grocery store before anyone was out of bed so that I could start my day with something crossed off my to-do list. The grocery store had the most beautiful pink and white lilys, so I bought one.

Once home I put the groceries away and grabbed the now awake boys to go deliver those lilys to the kitchen table at my in-laws house. The are home today from a winter spent in much warmer climates and I wanted something cheery to welcome them.

Soon J will return from his run and I'll start to think about lunch for my boys. We are so lucky to have a bakery in the family, and will have sandwiches on bread that is better than anything my grocery store could provide.

I'm going for a walk with a friend this afternoon. I'm glad to be able to spend time with her as she trains for the 3-Day for the Cure. She is walking again after crewing for many years and I'm sure she will have a great (blister free) experience. I'm also looking forward to stretching my own muscles and getting some fresh air into these lungs of mine.

This evening I'll get a jump on preparations for tomorrow. I'm making cheesy potatoes for twenty four. Twenty two of us will gather together to celebrate Easter and each and every time we get together I am reminded of how blessed I am to have joined this family. And because I love to make food that makes people happy, I'll be sharing my potatoes with my sister and her husband because that brother-in-law of mine loves my cheesy potatoes almost as much as I do.

We'll grill something for dinner tonight, with the boys running around outside in the evening sun. We'll eat together as a family, listening to the boys tell us about their day. (Okay, so mostly j.) We'll toss the boys in the bath, scrubbing away the day's dirt. And finally, once they are sleeping soundly in their beds, I'll be able to snuggle up with my husband and bring our perfect Saturday to an end.

Without a doubt, I am seriously blessed friends.

And Hi, How Are You?

2010-03-25T17:29:00.000-05:00

It has felt like our household has been really busy these past few months. I mean, we are, and we aren't.

It isn't like I'm off at board meetings a few nights a week, or like my husband is out training to run ultra-marathons. But life with these two boys of ours just seems so full.

Most days we end up together as a family somewhere between 4:30 and 5:30, depending on if I squeeze a Target run in after work. The boys make up for all of the time they lost while j was at school and they run around the house (or outside now that it nice in Minnesota) playing nicely. And loudly. Big J and I stare off into the distance and decompress from our very different days. Often J nods off on the couch, a result of his early mornings and hard work. Eventually we realize we need to feed the locals so one of us heads into the kitchen to cook up something that I'm sure isn't particularly great for their little growing brains and bodies. The boys eat, run around some more, and eventually I get them settled into bed. Often I'm asleep before the youngest is.

And just like that, another day is over. I lose entire weeks and am shocked to realize we're heading for the 4th month of the year. Already. Speaking of which, when did tomorrow turn into Friday?

And now, while I'm stealing a few minutes, I realize that I don't want it to be any different. I wouldn't give up this full house for an empty calendar or blank to-do list.

Although I would prefer to not have a spring cold right now, and I would like a few extra minutes each day to catch up. I've missed a few birthday greetings in the past week and feel badly that I never even got a birthday greeting tweet out to my ladies.

But, I know your lives are just like mine, so let's catch up.

How are you?

Cut Straight to the Heart With an Off-Set Spatula

2010-03-18T06:35:00.000-05:00

Over the course of the past Friday evening and Saturday morning and afternoon, I spent twelve hours in my kitchen baking and decorating my oldest son's birthday cakes so they would look like this:

That doesn't count the hours I spent planning, researching and shopping for supplies.

Or the time I spent tweeting the whole dang process.

When it was all said and done I felt like a pretty kick butt mom. His cakes look like Legos for goodness sake!

But, this kick butt Mom got her own kick in the gut when last night in a sobbing melt down, our new six year old informed me that it was the worst birthday ever and I surely didn't love him.

Why?

Cake aside, gifts aside, people who loved him gathered to celebrate his birthday aside, our boy considers it a major tragedy that there were no streamers.

Streamers people.

Next year he's getting a cake from the grocery store bakery.

A Busy Weekend in my Kitchen

2010-03-12T21:07:00.000-06:00

It is almost nine o'clock on a Friday night.

J is nearing sleep with a boy on either side of him, and those little ones are watching Planet 51 before they head off to their own beds.

I'm getting these few words out while I wait for two cakes to come out of the oven. I put them in a few minutes ago after I took the first two cakes out.

Yep, you read that right. Tonight I am baking not one or two, but four cakes.

My four cakes will cool overnight and tomorrow I will cut, frost, shape, and fondant those cakes. Yep, I'm going to go all Ace of Cakes on them and take normal cakes and make them bigger, make them badder, make them awesome.

I'm planning on making my own marshmallow fondant and I bought a fondant roller and a smoother today. I've got cake boards and gel colors and even some food coloring markers for my detail work. I'm pretending to be a decorating expert but if I pull this off it will only be the second time I've ever worked with fondant, so we'll see how it goes.

Little j is turning six on Tuesday and we're having some family over to celebrate Sunday evening. I really want my cakes to be impressive, but I'm planning to have all of the work done tomorrow so that if it all goes down the drain I can run to the store and buy a cake on Sunday.

I'm all for having a back up plan. And either way, it will be blog worthy. Either these cakes will be the envy of all who have picked up a pastry bag, or they will be a big fat FAIL.

Stay tuned. (And chances are good I'll have a play by play going on Twitter because I have a feeling it is going to be entertaining.)

It's Not Wednesday and We're Not Wordless

2010-03-08T19:30:00.000-06:00

It has been a long time since I've talked about e, our youngest son.

If you've been around a while, you may know that e had some ear issues that were diagnosed after we noticed a significant delay in his speech.

He had tubes placed and qualified for special services (speech therapy) through our school district.

It has been a year of home visits and this January he started in a pre-school like environment in addition to his weekly speech therapy.

And while this child of mine hasn't been reciting Shakespeare, he has been making what seem like GIANT strides in the past few weeks.

A few Sundays ago in the car on the way to a family gathering, something remarkable happened. j started prompting e to say various words, and e made an attempt to say every.single.one.of.them.

Words we'd never heard him make an attempt at before. For the first time ever I heard my son say the word Grandpa.

And you can bet my eyes welled up with tears.

He said house and the names of a few of his daycare friends. The other day he said car wash two hundred times before my car emerged clean, at which point he clapped and said more car wash.

He is starting to string words together, and while some words are still very hard to understand, he is making progress.

Progress that a few days ago had me hearing the words I love you from my son for the first time.

And you can bet my eyes did more than well up with tears, those tears fell without abandon.

So What about Your Nudie Calendar?

2010-02-27T18:20:00.001-06:00

So, a while ago I mentioned that I was going on a diet so that I would be able to show off some of my skin without feeling completely humiliated for a calendar to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Twin Cities 3-Day for the Cure.

I haven't mentioned it much since, but since my co-workers routinely say things like "So when are you taking your clothes off?" or "Should you eat that? Don't you have to get naked soon?" it makes me realize that while they have questions, you might too. So, here's an update.

So when are you going to be taking your clothes off? Soon. I have two photo shoots in March, one to take my individual photo for inside the calendar and one with the other 11 calendar girls for the front and back covers.

How is your diet going? With some help from a stomach virus that took off ten pounds, not all of which came back, I'm down to about 143 pounds. Yeah, that isn't that much less than the last update I gave a long time ago. I know.

Did you ever start working out? Yes, yes I did. This past Thursday. I did the 30 Day Shred Thursday night, took Friday off because I couldn't fit it in with a night out with my husband and then Shredded again in the middle of this afternoon. My plan is to get up tomorrow morning and Shred, thus switching my working out to the a.m. before work.

But aren't there less than 30 days between now and your photo shoot? Technically, yes, but did you have to point that out? I'm hoping that even 22 days of shredding can make a difference on this belly stuff that makes it evident that my womb has held almost 9 pound babies.

Aside from your, um, figure, are you set for your shoot? No, not at all. There is a lot I need to gather in terms of the apparel/accessories needed for the shoot. I've got ideas and have been sending some e-mails, so hopefully I can wrap that up in the coming weeks. There are also brows to be waxed and roots to be colored.

Can I buy a 2011 Calendar yet? Nope, but you could still buy a 2010 calendar and use 10 out of 12 months! You can do so at www.posingforpink.com.

How can I help? Besides buying a 2010 calendar now, and a 2011 calendar (Featuring me! Oh.my.word.) when they become available in June, there are a few ways you can help. One, if you are a blogger/social media lover and you would be willing to blog about the calendars once they are ready for sale, please let me know in the comments or e-mail me at kimdeshaw at gmail dot com. It is a great hope of mine that we can really blow this up via the social media world and get every.single.calendar that we have printed sold. Also, you can follow Posing for Pink on twitter here. And, if you happen to have a kick butt 30's and 40's vintage collection, let me know, I'm looking for some stuff for my shoot.

If I missed anything you are just dying to know about this calendar, Posing for Pink or the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure, let me know in the comments.

A Thank You That Isn't Big Enough

2010-02-24T20:43:00.002-06:00

I stumbled upon some information at the end of my work day today, information that had me fighting tears at my desk.

I logged into the 3-Day site this afternoon to change our team goal. Now that we are a team of six I wanted our goal to reflect that we are attempting to raise over $15,000.00 this year. While in my participant center I decided to check up on the top ten teams, as I wanted to let our group know how much we would need to raise to get back into the top ten.

I clicked on the tenth team on the list and quickly realized that I knew one of the women on the team. She's in a small group with both my in-laws and my aunt and uncle. I had no idea she was walking the 3-Day for the Cure.

It was when I clicked into her personal page that the tears started to burn at the back of my eyes. There, for all of her donors to see: "I am walking in memory of Terry J, sister of a friend."

My mom.

I'm not going to lie, and I can't sugarcoat it. Walking the 3-Day is freakin' hard. There is nothing easy about raising at least $2,300.00 and walking 60 miles over the course of a three day weekend. It is one of the most physically difficult things I have ever done, not to mention the emotional aspects of the experience.

The fact that Barb is willing to make that commitment and take those steps all with my mother's name etched on her heart means more than I can possibly convey with my words. That she is willing to endure blisters, porta-potties, pink tents and possibly pain while honoring the memory of a woman she didn't know well causes my heart to swell with gratitude.

So Barb, thank you. Thank you for your commitment. Thank you for your hard work. And thank you for remembering my mother, it means more to me than you'll ever know.

Perfectly Pink

2010-02-23T19:40:00.000-06:00

It has been a long time since I've blogged about a sewing project. Probably because I haven't been sewing for pleasure in a long time. That is all going to change.

Way back in July my sister-in-law gave me a jelly roll* of hand dyed pinks in a multitude of shades and hues.

*A jelly roll is pre-cut fabric strips, 2 and a half inches wide.

While the fabrics are beautiful, the summer season leaves little time for sewing so the jelly roll went into a drawer waiting for inspiration to hit.

And finally, that inspiration arrived a few weeks ago.

I haven't been sewing and I was itching to start a project. I decided that jelly roll would be perfect cut into 6 inch strips and sewn into a stacked coins quilt.

I plan on sashing it in a natural white, not quite a bright snow white, and not quite a cream.

I even picked out a floral backing that I can't stand alone, but I think it will really work with the top.

Everything is cut and ready to go, now I just need to spin some bobbins and get moving! I don't have any plans for this to be a gift, and even though I'm in a primarily male household, I think this will stay with me. I realized one evening as I snuggled up under a quilt my great-grandmother made that I don't have any of my own. It is time to change that.

I'm hoping to get some time with my machine this weekend, so maybe I'll have more work-in-progress photos next week.

If At First You Don't Succeed

2010-02-21T20:15:00.000-06:00

According to the calendar my husband's birthday was a week ago. Valentine's Day. According to me, it is today.

You see, for the fourth year in a row, someone was sick on J's birthday. There has been influenza, RSV and ear infections, and a particularly awful stomach virus. This year the sick one was me and since a 2 year old and 5 year old can not shop for gifts or bake cakes on their own, J's special day wasn't special at all.

While we may have exchanged Happy Birthday and Happy Valentine's Day pleasantries, I spent the majority of the day on the couch. While I was finally spending time outside of the bathroom, I was still quite exhausted and only starting to retain calories. We spent some time together watching parts of Season One of Bones, and it was just another sick day.

I declared a re-do. I took a family vote to postpone J's birthday by a week. Little j seconded my motion and when I asked for "ayes" little e pointed to the ones on his face to join the chorus.

The biggest part of postponing the birthday was making sure to make J a great cake. j is old enough now to be involved in that process and he let me know exactly what he wanted his Dad's cake to look like.

He and I went to the cake and candy supply store near our house yesterday so he could help me pick out everything we needed to make a cake to match his vision. He wanted to make a cake shaped just like a football with a big 37 on it. I tried to push him towards a cake that looked like a football field so that I could just frost it green, add some lines and throw some plastic players on it, but j wasn't going for that. He was very set on his ball shaped cake, and wanted to make sure it would be brown with white laces, apparently he wanted this to be accurate.

So, I baked two cakes, carved, frosted and piped so that j's vision could be realized.

One football cake with a big 37.

Combine a special cake with a special dinner for a special guy and hopefully this birthday re-do made up for last week's birthday fail.

Thoughts on a Sick Day

2010-02-11T10:55:00.000-06:00

I'm home sick today, and while I am tempted to be catching up at home, I know resting is more important. So what could be do a load of laundry, run to the bathroom, is instead send an e-mail with the laptop on the couch, drift off for a few minutes, run to the bathroom, repeat.

I know that run to the bathroom part was probably too much information, sorry. If I had the sniffles I'd be at work, so you pretty much have to know that a stomach virus is about the only thing worth a sick day.

Which reminds me, anyone have any ideas about the button hitting combination I'd need to do in order to change my ear thermometer back to fahrenheit? I'm guessing one of my children knows the magical button pushing combination because when I took my temperature yesterday I took one look at it and though I was dead. Then I figured out that 38.7 was my temperature in Celsius and I'd need good old Google to tell me what my temperature was in numbers I understood. 101.6 if you're wondering.

I've missed morning TV. I'm out of the house by 7 on an average work day, so I'm not often home to see morning news and talk shows. Bonnie Hunt is very funny, but it sounds like her show is ending, which is sad for her. Not sad for me since I only see her on sick days and I hope to not have another of those anytime soon.

I'd forgotten how ridiculous the commercials for technical/trade schools are. You should become an MA because you can wear scrubs. Really?

Our dog is really warm and cuddly, just in case you were curious. He also weighs 80 pounds and he is trying his hardest to push me off the couch.

OJ and toast are like filet mignon and a baked potato to me right now, just so you know.

Mmmm, toast.

Um, life insurance commercials are pretty ridiculous as well.

Okay, I'm going to sign off and drift off to dream land again.

I hope you're having a great day!

A Recurring Theme

2010-02-05T13:31:00.000-06:00

Newborn Kim, Circa 1981: "Wahhhh!!"

3rd Grade Kim, Circa 1989: "Wow, this new school thing is hard. How do I make friends here? Why doesn't anyone like me? Who am I?"

7th Grade Kim, Circa 1993: "I'm not the dorkiest kid around, but I'm not even close to cool. Who am I?"

12th Grade Kim, Circa 1999: "Wow, not even a chorus part in the show? I don't know life outside of choir and theater. Who am I?"

19 Year Old Kim, Circa 2000: "Is this college/want to be a teacher when I grow up thing really for me? Who am I?"

21 Year Old Kim, Circa 2002: "And just like that, I'm a motherless daughter. Where do I go from here? Who am I?"

24 Year Old Kim, Circa 2005: "Hmmm, my first job failure. I really dodged a bullet by quitting before I could get fired. Yeah, maybe that witch of a boss is right, I should never manage people again. Who am I?"

28 Year Old Kim, Circa 2010: "I'm a wife and a mother. I have a job I love and a passion I'm, well, passionate about. But really, who am I?"

So clearly, most of my life has been an identity crisis of sorts, and while it ebbs and flows, I've really been stuck in that question for the last few weeks.

Who am I?

I've been laying awake at night asking that question, and right now, I really don't feel like I have a clear answer.

Will I write my way though some of my thoughts? Maybe.

Does a heavy question like that explain my lack of posting? To some degree.

And most importantly, when I figure out just who I am, am I going to love the person I find? I sure hope so.

The Moment We've Been Waiting For

2010-01-30T22:30:00.001-06:00

With a gesture towards my very round stomach, a stranger would ask, "Is this your first?"

I'd rest a hand atop the shelf created by the life growing and kicking and flipping inside and say with a smile, "No, he's got a big brother at home. He'll be three when this little one arrives."

"Three years apart? That's good, they'll be great friends some day."

"That's what we're hoping."

When we started talking about having a second child, the age distance between our children was important to me. My sister and I are just shy of two years apart, and our birth months had me just one grade behind her once we started school. Now I love my sister dearly, but I had my share of issues growing up with the identity that stemmed from being "L's little sister" and not Kim. I know that made me incredibly sensitive to the plight of being number two and I wanted to make sure that there was at least one school year as a buffer between our children. But at the same time, I didn't want them to be so far apart that they could never find common ground.

So, we've got two boys who are three years and two months apart. Far enough apart that j won't be so fresh in teacher's minds as they greet e in a classroom, and close enough that they can still share common interests and activities.

And finally, almost three years into their relationship as brothers, we've reached our first point of common interests and activities, and dare I say it, these brothers are becoming friends.

They can now laugh and play together for hours without tears and complaints. They can make a game out of running back and forth in the house, or can snuggle together quietly with books or a movie. e is now interested in toys that j is still interested in, as opposed to the "baby toys" j made known he was too old for. e is also now big enough that they can play like little boys do, and that kid can hold his own against his big brother. It is so fun to watch their interactions now.

And while they still have their moments, I think this rather recent change is going to stick around. At least until they have girls to fight over.

Necklace Winners

2010-01-25T07:24:00.000-06:00

Hey all, sorry I didn't choose winners and get this posted earlier.

Yesterday was a busy day, what with celebrating my sister's MBA, alternately cheering and chewing my fingernails during the Vikings game, and finally ending the night emotionally exhausted from the Vikings loss.

But, today is a new day and I figured out how to post a screen shot! Yea me!

The winners are:

Fifteen and five, which are Julie and Shel.

Ladies, get ahold of me at kimdeshaw at gmail dot com to claim your necklaces! First to e-mail me is first to chose which she wants.

Not A Coincidence

2010-01-21T21:20:00.001-06:00

Pssst, when you finish reading this, go back to here and enter the giveaway for a Ugandan Paper Bead Necklace. Please? But not yet! Read this first. Or go there and come back.

I strongly believe that sometimes a person needs to be still and quiet to hear whispers from God. I'm pretty sure "be still" is a direct quote actually.

I also strongly believe that sometimes God gets sick of waiting around for me to be still and quiet and instead decides to do something akin to smacking me upside the head with a 2 x 4 in order to get me to listen.

I haven't been listening well lately. I've been ignoring a quiet whisper, a gentle nudge for a few months and yesterday God brought out the lumber.

I've known for a long time that I could make some minor adjustments in my life and free up some additional finances to sponsor a second child through Compassion International. And I resisted.

Until yesterday.

I sat at my desk on Wednesday reflecting on the prior evening spent at Feed My Starving Children thinking about how blessed I am and how I should be doing more.

Then I decided since I knew how FMSC was reacting to the quakes in Haiti, I should see what Compassion International was doing to respond. (We already sponsor a little girl in the Dominican Republic.)

And since I was on the Compassion site I decided I could look at kids who need sponsorship. You know, just browse.

Now though I had Haiti on my mind I knew Compassion didn't have sponsorships available in Haiti, as they need to verify the status of all of the kids in their program since the quakes, so I needed to chose a different country to browse.

I pulled up the drop down list and scanned it. Rwanda jumped out at me because I have a high school classmate who has a heart for Rwanda. She was just there last week visiting what she considers to be her second family. Rwanda it was.

Then I decided to narrow the age range down to 3 to 5, because I want my kids to relate to the child we sponsor, even though I was just browsing remember?

Compassion then gave me approximately ten photos of children ages 3 to 5 in Rwanda who needed sponsorship, and one stuck out. That one photo contained a red heart in the corner. A heart that means that particular child has been waiting for more than six months for a sponsor.

I still wasn't going to sponsor a second child, but I clicked on that little boy's picture, my cursor hovering over that heart.

I started to read that little boy's bio and was soon wiping away tears and reaching for my wallet. Little M was going to be our second Compassion child.

And that 2 x 4 God needed to hit me with? The not so subtle prompt that was much more than a random coincidence?

M shares a birthday with someone incredibly important to me.

My firstborn.

Bloggers Meeting, Eating and Feeding, with a Giveaway!

2010-01-20T20:22:00.001-06:00

So Kim, what are you doing tonight? The question came from a co-worker and I hesitated before answering.

Um, I um, well, um, aw heck, I'll just say it. I'm going to meet a bunch of strangers from the internet, again.

I always hate explaining myself to people who don't understand why I blog or spend time on Twitter, or people who don't believe that authentic relationships can be formed via words on a screen. Explaining to people outside of social media that I am going to spend time with people I know but am meeting in person for the first time is awkward at best.

Last night I faced rush hour traffic from my end of the Twin Cities suburbs to the entirely opposite end of town in order to spend some time meeting some other Minnesota Bloggers. I picked up the first volume of the Glee soundtrack on my way outta dodge and boogied my way through a nearly 45 minute drive excited to see some of my blogging peeps.

I got to see some blogging turned in real life friends again, meet some bloggers I've got an online relationship with in person for the first time, and meet some bloggers that I'd never heard of before. (I'll totally admit that I didn't have the time I would have liked to fully explore the attendees links beforehand.)

Despite the opportunity meet and greet and mingle, I was seriously excited about what the second half of our evening was going to hold, packing meals at Feed My Starving Children.

We gathered around tables and measured soy, rice, dehydrated vegetables and a vegetarian chicken flavoring full of vitamins and minerals into bags, sealed them and packed them into boxes. A bag weighing less than 400 grams that has the power to change the life of a starving child. Food with the power to take a starving child on the brink of death and return him or her to health in just weeks and months of a single meal a day.

In an hour of work, our group with the help of some other volunteers were able to pack enough meals to feed 38 children everyday for a year. What a difference our time will make in the lives of those children. Children in Haiti to be specific. I saw a tweet this morning that a shipment went out today, and there is a good chance the pallet of food we helped pack (and that we laid hands on and prayed over) is already on its way.

What an amazing group of people, and an amazing way to spend an evening with them.

Photo Credit: Carrie

You can also see a list of the posts by other attendees here on Missy's blog. And while I'm at it, a huge thank you to Missy for organizing the event.

And, finally, to the giveaway!

Feed My Starving Children supports their program in a few ways, one of which is selling merchandise, both FMSC gear and handmade goods from countries in which their food is distributed. They purchase the goods at market price in those countries, benefiting the creator and their families and then mark them up and use the profits to fund meals.

So, while at FMSC yesterday I purchased two necklaces from Uganda. The beads are made of paper, hand rolled and sealed. Each of these necklaces provides the funds needed to make 41 meals.

You can win one of these two necklaces by answering two questions in the comments. One, had you ever heard of Feed My Starving Children previous to this? And two, will you consider joining us next time?

I'll use random.org to choose two winners on Sunday, January 24th, no entries past 11:59 p.m. CST Saturday. If you don't have your e-mail address readily available on your profile or blog, please leave a way for me to contact you in the comment in the event that you win. (And seriously, in case it wasn't clear enough above, I purchased the items for this giveaway myself.)

What I Learned Tonight

2010-01-19T23:15:00.001-06:00

Do NOT rub a vapor rub product on your sleeping, coughing son's chest and then rub your itching eye.

Even if you've washed your hands and think the vapor rub product is gone.

Ouch.

Invaluable advice. You're welcome.

Help For Haiti

2010-01-18T19:38:00.000-06:00

I posted a while ago about an event Missy was organizing for Minnesota Bloggers to gather and socialize, network and serve a non-profit together.

I've been excited about this event for a few reasons.

I'm going to get to catch up with bloggers I've met in real life previously, including some of my new friends from Cupcake.

I'm going to take online relationships offline and meet some bloggers in person for the first time.

But most importantly, I am going to spend some time again serving at Feed My Starving Children.

While I love Feed My Starving Children and what they do, it is even more important to be supporting them now as they respond to the increased needs of Haitians since the earthquake one week ago.

FMSC has been working with organizations in Haiti for many years now, and had approximately one million meals on the ground in Haiti when the earthquake hit. Some of those meals are already being used in relief efforts and FMSC will be producing an additional three million meals specifically for earthquake relief. Twenty eight thousand meals left their facility nearest to me and will be airlifted to Haiti to do as much good as quickly as possible.

While we pack tomorrow, Haiti will certainly be on our minds, and when I make a donation to FMSC I will have it earmarked for their relief efforts in Haiti. You can help as well by making a donation here. With each meal costing only seventeen cents to produce, a gift of any size can make a difference.

From The Mouth of j

2010-01-17T19:34:00.000-06:00

So there is a long list of things I want to blog about, but my words still feel blocked some how.

Seeking inspiration from my oldest son I asked what I should blog about.

Without missing a beat j replied. My new sweatshirt, he said.

So, j got a new sweatshirt today. It is from Old Navy and cost me $4.50 on clearance. It is orange and has a cool retro-ish screen pint of Wolverine on it. Awesome. He is planning on wearing it tomorrow.

I know you care.

Actually, aside from wanting to talk to you about his cool new shirt, I should share the funny thing he said yesterday.

I took him to have his eyes checked for the first time yesterday morning. Since we were having some quality Mom/j time we headed out early to stop at Caribou Coffee for my needed caffeine shot and some cocoa for him. He took a sip and from the back seat I heard Wow Momma, that's a good cup of joe! I nearly spit my Campfire Mocha across the car, and can not for the life of me figure out where he came up with that.

Something surprises me every day with this kid.

Unplugged

2010-01-14T10:30:00.000-06:00

It seems funny to me that I bought my shiny new domain and then stopped posting.

It seems funny to me that I spent a weekend surrounded by amazing blogging women and haven't posted since.

It seems funny to me that my internet was down and I thought my modem was broken, but in reality, it was just unplugged. Kind of like me.

I'm unplugged emotionally right now. I need to tell you all about Cupcake, because it was amazing, but my heart and my head haven't quite finished processing the experience.

I need to tell you about the Susan G. Komen Twin Cities 3-Day for the Cure season kicking off, and vounteering at my first Get Started meeting, but I'm still wrestling with needing to do it in the first place.

I need to tell you about my youngest son starting school, but I haven't figured out how I feel about that either.

I need to tell you about my new hair and my new glasses, but that seems shallow in light of what is happening in Haiti right now. And I can't write about Haiti because my heart is torn in two for that country and I can't get past it.

I guess because writing is what helps me figure out what emotions are swirling in my head and my heart I should just plug back in and sit down and write.

And I will.

But for now, I'm unplugged.

A Minivan Purchase

2010-01-04T23:00:00.001-06:00

Seven plus years ago I bought my current car. It was the first new car I'd ever owned, in fact it was a new model. So new that the car company I bought it from used to call and ask how it felt to own the 4th such car ever purchased in my state. Oh the power I felt! (Until the third time my hood latch cable broke. Can you say design flaw?)

And now, seven plus years later and that same car company (a planet with rings) doesn't really exist beyond selling off inventory. Their parent company however still remembers me as the 4th sucker to buy one of their cars hot off the assembly line and it seems they are trying to keep me loyal even with my brand tanking. Today's mail contained a $1000 loyalty certificate good towards the 2009 or 2010 vehicle of my choice from their "family" of brands.

I thought about it for a while (okay a split second) and realized, duh, I want a minivan! But I can't afford a minivan, even with my loyalty reward.

And then I realized that I could have a minivan without buying a minivan. I mean, I could have I want a minivan without buying a minivan.

Are you confused yet? I'm getting there.

I didn't purchase a minivan, but I did purchase I want a minivan, which looks something like this:

www.iwantaminivan.com

Yep, I did it. I went ahead and bought my very own domain. It is shiny and new and easy to remember.

Now of course (Gramma) you can still use my blogspot address to get here, but isn't this nice, clean domain so much better?

It looks way cuter on my new blogging business cards too.

These Words Are Not Mine

2010-01-03T20:31:00.000-06:00

But I want you to read them anyway.

Early in December my friend Heather at The Extraordinary Ordinary wrote a post that I wanted to share with you, and it is only now that I am actually doing so.

I don't know that it is even possible for me to find words to describe the beauty that is this post of Heather's. I could tell you it is about becoming a mother, but it is so much more than that. Heather's words were spoken straight into my heart, and judging by the comments, Heather put words to an emotion many of us couldn't.

Please go here and read what I consider to be my favorite post that Heather has ever written, and considering how much I love her, that is saying a lot because I love everything she writes.

This post is just one of the reasons Heather is a writer I admire.

(And, how lucky am I to spend a day with her at Cupcake '10? Seriously!)

Finally, the After

2010-01-02T17:07:00.001-06:00

Back in October I shared a before picture of my sewing and crafting space. You can find that post here.

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that in order to work on the projects I had going, I mostly just moved stuff around so I had some space to work without actually putting anything away.

It was getting pretty ridiculous to work down there and when I needed to get Christmas projects done I moved my sewing machine to the kitchen table which is guaranteed to drive my husband absolutely batty.

But, every family has to eat, so back to the basement I went.

I'm facing a fair amount of sewing in the next few days as I finish lanyards for the ladies of Cupcake '10 and realized that I had to do something about my space. I stumbled upon a desktop craft organizer on clearance at Michael's this morning for less than ten dollars and it was the jump start I needed.

So, here is a before. Now it wasn't quite this bad today, this is the picture from October.

And here is the after:

My sewing machine is right in the center, pushed back away from little fingers when I'm not using it. The basket contains some small WIP's (works in progress) that I hope to finish up in the next few days. I need them in sight as a constant reminder that they need to be finished.

Storage, storage, storage! Instead of having machine pedals, notions, ribbon and such all over the table, now they have a place. One of the projects I've added to the list is to make a couple of machine covers, both for the serger on the left and the machine that my mother bought me on the right.

My ironing board is handy, and though you can't see it in any of the photos, directly to the right of it is our chest freezer with my self-healing cutting mat on top of it. It is the perfect height for cutting. The new organizer is hiding bobbins and thread on one side and my various cutting implements on the other. The jars on top have buttons, d-rings, and lanyard clips in them.

And finally, hidden underneath the table while leaving me plenty of leg room is two bins full to the top with fabrics. Fleece from my tag blanket and tie blanket days on the right, cottons, battings and interfacings on the left.

While it is nice to have this space put together, I'm hoping it is a temporary solution. This space is simply against a wall in the main room of our basement. Toys on one side, books a couch and a TV on the other. There is a room behind our laundry room that is just storage right now. It gets very little natural light, but even so I hope to someday have turned that room into a space that is mine and mine alone with cabinets and counter tops. We'll see.

Do you have your own dedicated sewing/crafting/scrapbooking space in your home or do you haul things out to the dining room table when you want to make a mess and create?

In 2010

2010-01-01T23:02:00.000-06:00

In 2010, this boy will turn six. Six! Where have the years gone? He is already asking how many days there are until his birthday. Will this be the year we actually throw him a party? This will be the year that he graduates from Kindergarten.

In 2010, this kid will be turning three. We can only hope this this is the year that his verbal skills take off and start to catch up to other kids his age.

In 2010, this man will continue to shape his sexy gray hair into a faux-hawk just to make his wife laugh. He'll celebrate eight years of marriage to his amazing wife. Eight! Where has the time gone?

In 2010, this girl is hanging up her walking shoes, but putting on her working shoes as a crew member and volunteer for the Breast Cancer 3-Day. She'll start volunteering at Get Started Meetings for new and returning walkers in just two weeks. Soon she'll request a crew assignment for the 2010 event. Will she work at a pit stop? Hand out towels in camp? Man a sweep vehicle? Whatever the assignment she'll work hard to make sure the 2010 event is an amazing experience for the walkers.

That same girl also hopes to spend lots of time with her sewing machine in 2010, sewing for pleasure and maybe even to make some money. Etsy in her future? Maybe.

What is 2010 going to bring for you?

The Best 2009 Had to Offer

2009-12-31T07:06:00.001-06:00

I sat down last night intending to write a post linking to my favorite posts, one from each month of 2009. I quickly realized that while my intentions were good now, early in the year I had months with only three posts, all of which were crap. (Unless you're my gramma, in which case they are brilliant writing.)

So, I started to make a list of my favorite posts. One is angry, a few sweet (in more ways than one) and one I think is funny. It might not be, I dunno.

In no particular order, my favorite posts of 2009. Feel free to read them again. Or not, unless you are my Gramma. She'll read them again.

A letter I wrote to my younger son one evening after I finally got him to sleep. I think my english teacher might have been proud of a sentence or two in this one.

The words that spewed out of me with violent force when I heard the U.S. Preventive Sevices Task Force recomendations on screening young women for breast cancer. Oh, I was fired up. And weepy. And did I mention fired up?

A cupcake recipe that is full of chocolate. And beer. Seriously, beer in the cupcakes, with an espresso ganache and a white chocolate buttercream. I gave the presentation an A+ and everyone who ate them gave the taste the same. (I didn't eat one. See below.)

A tale of giving up chocolate. (Which means I couldn't have those cupcakes in the post above.) I think I'm funny. And I love my sister.

My favorite photo of a pair of shoes ever. Photo credit is FC. (Favorite Co-worker. It's official, he has a blog nickname!)

A post about my favorite shirt, which helps define the passion that is in my heart. This is why if you know me long enough, I'll ask you for money. I'm just warning you.

Well, that sure was a random journey wasn't it? Well, unless you didn't look.

Are you one of my blogging friends, old or new? Leave your favorite post that you wrote in 2009 in the comments, I want to know! (And so does my Gramma, so don't let an old lady down.)

P.S. - Just kidding about the old part Gram. : )

Fantastic Fabrics

2009-12-29T19:55:00.001-06:00

I went fabric shopping for a fun little project I'm working on for Cupcake '10 this past weekend, and oh what a great time I had! While I normally shop at chain fabric stores for the convenience, and occasionally a local quilt shop in my neck of the woods, I knew I wanted fun and funky and dare I say designer fabrics for this amazing group of bloggers I'm going to be spending a weekend with.

I headed out on a mini trip out of my normal neighborhood and headed into northeast Minneapolis to visit Crafty Planet because I knew they carried the designers and fabric lines that I have salivated over on etsy and other online shops.

I was not disappointed, and just about squealed out loud as I chose my first Amy Butler prints.

Because I am working on 30 separate projects that don't need to coordinate in any way, I was able to just pull bolts of fabric that appealed to me without thought to matching colors, patterns, or prints.

Fifteen fabrics, waiting to be cut and pressed. Amy Butler. Michael Miller. Modern, fresh and fun.

I'll admit, while I didn't really have anyone special in mind as I chose, there was one exception. I did pick the bird print in the middle above with one blogger on my heart.

More of the fabrics up close.

I worked really hard to chose quickly and not linger in the store, as I am sure my bank account would have taken a significant hit if I had allowed myself time to think of other things I wanted to do with these amazing fabrics.

Now, though it is awfully hard to do, I'm going to start cutting into these, because as much as I'd love to just stare at them, we need the final result in a week and a half!

There will be more photos in the week to come as this project starts to come together.

Desperate to Dream

2009-12-28T21:36:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned here before that I am a lover of the snooze button, a habit which I've been unable to kick despite multiple attempts.

This morning I hit snooze even more than normal because something crazy was happening. Every time I hit the snooze button I was able to slip right back into the dream I was having, a dream I wanted desperately to stay in.

I was having a rather boring dream actually. I was dreaming about a situation at work, a real life problem I am going to need to solve in the next couple of weeks. I couldn't have cared less about how the problem was going to be solved, I have real life to figure that out. That wasn't the reason I was trying so hard to stay in dreamland. There were some strange people in the dream, but one in particular I wanted to get close to.

My mother was in my dream. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it was huge for me. My mom has only been in a few dreams in the last seven years, and many of those dreams have been fuzzy when I woke.

Despite the situation of the dream being boring, and the dream not being focused on my mom, she was vivid.

She was pre-cancer, with short red-brown hair, the color straight out of a box. She'd laugh that I told you that.

I heard her voice, a voice I haven't heard since 2002, and it wasn't just a female voice, it was her. Unmistakable. Her laugh rang through like she was truly in the room with me.

And her smile. Oh that smile. The smile a mother gives her daughter that says I love you without words.

But seemingly as suddenly as it started, I hit snooze for the final time and didn't slip right back into that place, the place I wanted to be. Out of a warm bed, feet onto a cold floor, back to a Monday that is anything but my dreams.

But now it is late. I'm snuggled in fuzzy pajama pants, relishing each bite of some cookies I bought today just because she loved them, wondering if it can and hoping that it will happen again tonight, because dreams are all I've got.

What? I Have a Blog?

2009-12-26T13:31:00.000-06:00

Hi. Kim here.

You'll have to forgive me. In the hustle and bustle of the week leading up to Christmas, I plum forgot I have my own little corner on this here internet thing.

But, Christmas is over, my house is still clean, my driveway is shoveled again, and I think I'm back.

I'm sure there is a lot to tell you about the last week, including the fact that my red shoes were fixed, and it is a good thing it was only $12, because the next time the dog was alone he ate them again. Uh-oh.

I also bailed on some of my handmade Christmas plans, but do have a few projects to finish before the new year. I'll also be giving away a couple of adorable (if I do say so myself) crayon rolls in the next week. The daycare kiddos loved them and I made some extra just for two readers.

While I contemplate making a snowman, and spend some more quality time with my family, tell me, how was your holiday?

They're Just Shoes

2009-12-17T07:41:00.012-06:00

So just a few days ago I blogged about my favorite shoes. Apparently the dog reads my blog and is holding a grudge that I stick my cold feet under him in bed to warm them up, because this is the photo my husband sent me yesterday when he got home from work.

The strap on my favorite shoe is chewed in half and almost completely off on one side.

Now I'd be lying if I said I wasn't immediately upset, and I may have even allowed my eyes to get really moist, though no tears fell. I wallowed in shoe misery for a while, seeking comfort on Facebook, (who doesn't do that?) and looking for replacements on ebay. I composed a whiney post in my head about how I don't often buy for quality, and seldom spend significant money on myself, and those shoes were one of the nicest wardrobe pieces I own.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that they are just shoes. Shoes I loved, and hope can be repaired, but just shoes.

I have more shoes. Lots more actually. I'm not walking through the snow in stocking feet today.

I have a husband who is here to attempt to fix the problem. He loves me enough to have been at at a shoe repair shop with the shoes before I was even home from work.

I have a great job with great people that pays me in real money, (and not new Trident gum*) and even if the shoes can't be repaired, I could find, fall in love with and buy a new pair of red shoes. (You know, if I didn't have all of those other shoes mentioned above.)

So, if the repair shop can find red leather that matches to make a new strap for my shoe, fantastic.

If they can't, I don't think I'll throw it away. I'll keep it around to remind me that it is just a shoe.

It is everything else that is really important. My blessings extend far beyond a pair of shoes.

*You have seen that commercial right?!?!?

My Kid is a Shining Star!

2009-12-15T07:07:00.000-06:00

Have you seen the movie The Incredibles? At some point in that movie Syndrom reminds us that once everyone is special, no one is. And in true kindergarten fashion, everyone is special, at least once. We got a note home this weekend that j will be featured on the shining star bulletin board, so he needed to fill out a questionnaire and bring in some pictures for the board. As we asked him the questions I thought you might like a look into the kid, so here it is. Anything in orange is me, not him.

My name is: j**** (Protecting his identity like always peeps.)

My Dad's name is: J**** (Same deal.)

My Mom's name is: Kimberly (He really answered Kimberly, it was cute. Then he accidentally kicked me in the head while climbing on the chair behind me. That wasn't cute.)

I have one brother and zero sisters. (Ah, but wouldn't a little sister be nice?)

"I know how to spell zoo. Z - O - O."

Back to the questions please!

I have one pet. His name is Cooper. Cuh-oop-pur. (He sounded it out for me just in case I couldn't figure it out on my own.)

My favorite thing to do is: Play dinosaurs.

My favorite book is: Dinosaurs. (Apparently any book about Dinosaurs, and some of those are just plain gross when they get to talking about what dinosaurs eat. Those carnivore drawings with blood dripping from their teeth? Thanks illustrators, I really appreciate that.)

My Favorite toy is: Dinosaurs. (I'm sensing a theme here.)

My favorite food is: Chicken Nuggets. Ha ha, I changed it from meatloaf. (He really said meatloaf the first time I asked, and I don't think he's ever eaten meatloaf.)

My Favorite color is: Blue. (This is totally news to me, as his favorite color had been red, at least up until I asked what his favorite color is.)

Just for the fun of it, I asked him what he wanted to tell the internet, this is what he said: "Football." Then he giggled and said "Ha, ha, I said football." It was a little like if you said "I'm going to the grocery store for nuts" and if I said "Ha ha, you said nuts." Maybe you just had to be there.

Christmas Shoes

2009-12-14T06:49:00.000-06:00

Have you ever heard that Christmas Shoes song? The one about a little boy who wants to buy some shoes for his Mom because she is going to meet Jesus? The one that alternately makes me cry or snort with laughter after the radio plays it for the 7th time in 2 hours?

Yeah? You know it?

This has nothing to do with that.

This really is just a post about some shoes. What I'm now calling my Christmas Shoes.

One, they are red.

Two, they are Borns, and they are Mary Janes. We all know that Christmas is about Jesus being born to a woman named Mary.

And three, finding these shoes was like unwrapping a really great gift on Christmas morning. I may or may not have given a little squeal and jumped up and down like a child.

You see, I bought these shoes 7 years ago. I loved them like a child, and then I found myself with child and we needed to buy a house to hold said child. We moved into our house 6 years ago and I hadn't seen the shoes since. I was devastated. While I feared they had somehow been left in our apartment, a tiny part of me held out hope that they had been moved and never unpacked. (Let's not even consider what this says about us since having things not unpacked after 6 years is actually reality.)

I had looked for these shoes many times in the past six years. My hunch was that they were somewhere in the 3rd stall of our garage with some of the other things that never got unpacked. (I'm giving up and renting a dumpster this spring.) Finally, earlier this week I went looking for hats and missing mittens and found the shoes. Hallelujah!

You can bet that I've worn them as often as possible since I found them, and I've already started planning what I can wear for Christmas in order to wear my Christmas Shoes. (I'm also planning my Cupcake '10 wardrobe around them.)

From my hot jeans to my red shoes, I've been putting a lot of value on a few select parts of my wardrobe lately. Do you have something in your wardrobe that you would be sad to lose? Or something you lost, outgrew or wore out that you wish you could have back?

Diet Update

2009-12-13T09:31:00.002-06:00

Well, if you've been following along, you know that I am on a diet since I'll be taking some clothes off for a photo shoot in March.

You also know that I lost 8 pounds, gained back 4 or 5 over the week of Thanksgiving because of some horrible choices.

But, I'm pleased to discover that I've since lost those pounds I'd regained and perhaps even one more.

I won't know for sure until I can weigh myself at work tomorrow, but for now I'll do some sketchy math, knowing what I weigh at home compared to what I weight at work. (I'm using the work scale because I generally trust it to be more accurate than the home scale.)

So, my starting weight was 152.

I got to 144 but gained some back so my last blog update weight was 148.

And with my sketchy math, I'm going to call myself 143 right now.

Even better than a number on a scale is having someone comment on the change, which is exactly what happened yesterday. My father, who doesn't often read my blog or have to listen to me talk about dieting commented that I looked like I had "slimmed down." There is definitely a difference in the way some of my pants fit, particularly my jeans, which is nice. It is good to remember things like that when craving french fries and making food decisions.

But, in a fail since the last update, I still haven't started exercising. Turns out I love my morning sleep just a little too much and I can't figure out a good time in the day to do it otherwise. I wonder if I could get home, Shred, shower and get back to work on my hour lunch, but then I wouldn't have time to eat, and we all know skipping meals isn't a healthy choice so lunch exercising is out. And, he's my husband and he loves me (I think) but I can't bring myself to work-out while he's around. I prefer to wallow in my lack of fitness alone.

So, still, exercising tomorrow. Maybe.

I Used to be a Singer

2009-12-09T20:34:00.004-06:00

I'm watching the season finale of Glee tonight. It is my new favorite show, for so many reasons.

One, that guy who plays the teacher is pretty darn adorable.

Two, that lady who plays the Cheerleading Coach is hilarious.

Three, the music is great.

Four, that guy who plays the teacher is pretty darn adorable. (It was worth saying twice.)

But, for as much as I love watching Glee, doing so, as crazy as it sounds (after all, it is just a TV show) makes my heart hurt just a little bit.

You see, once, many years ago, I was a show choir kid. I wore a sparkly blue halter top dress that had a multi-layer chiffon skirt with a fishline hem. I spent early mornings and late afternoons in a choir room. I danced across a stage in character heels, and twirled until I was dizzy.

And then, I grew up. And now I've been out of High School for 10 years. It's been a long time since I've been on a stage. A long time since I've memorized dance steps. A long time since I've twirled around in heels.

I still get goosebumps when I hear an amazing vocal performance, and inevitably, when I do, I start to wish that just once I could get back up on a stage and give the goosebumps instead of get.

I also wish I could still fit into that dress.

When Two of Murphy's Laws Meet

2009-12-08T11:54:00.002-06:00

Ah, Murphy's Laws. We've all experienced them.

Need rain? Wash your car. Bright sunny skies are bound to turn gray and cloudy, dropping rain on your clean car, especially if you spring for the expensive wash with the tri-color foamy wax stuff.

Today, two Murphy's Laws are going to collide, and it is a waiting game here in Minnesota to see which is the stronger of the two.

There is a light snow falling outside my office window right now. I just returned from a quick shopping trip on my lunch where I picked up a new pair of snowpants for my younger son. Now typically this would mean that Murphy's Law would come into play and the accumulating snow that is forcasted would simply blow right over us, leaving us with a tiny dusting. A tiny dusting that makes my snowpant preparedness unneccesary. (Snowpant preparedness? I know, that just sounded awkward. I'm sorry. I couldn't say it any other way.)

However, my husband took our snowblower into the shop yesterday. Which means that Murphy (who is this guy anyway!?!?!) is having a great laugh at the expense of my back and is going to wallop the Twin Cities with a major accumulating snowfall, the likes of which we haven't seen in years.

Law One? Law Two? Which is it going to be? Only time will tell.

MN Bloggers Gathering

2009-12-07T17:45:00.002-06:00

Hey blogging friends, are you local? (Like Twin Cities MN local.) Keep reading. I'll get to a very important point eventually.

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Have you ever talked to someone and had to say "Do you have a bug in my house? I just had that exact same conversation with my husband!"? I have. It happened just the other day. I got an e-mail from my friend Missy about something she was planning and I was shocked at how similar the plan was to a scheme I had discussed with J a few months earlier.

You see, I am always amazed by how much influence bloggers have. Companies seek out the recommendation of Mommy Bloggers to boost sales. Bloggers who post negative experiences with products or retailers often elicit an immediate response from public relations departments. I've always wanted to see some of that blogger influence work for one of my favorite non-profits, Feed My Starving Children. With my husband, I discussed how awesome it would be to see a whole group of bloggers packing food together at Feed My Starving Children, and the exposure FMSC would get after the fact as all of those bloggers did what they do and blogged about the experience.

************************************************************

Remember this?

This is me in a hairnet when I served at Feed My Starving Children the weekend after Thanksgiving. I know, I rocked it. You're jealous.

You can rock a hairnet at FMSC too.

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Missy beat me to planning a gathering of bloggers at Feed My Starving Children, but I am so happy to be telling you about it, and you can bet that I will be there.

Full details can be found on Missy's blog here. But here are the basics:

Who: MN Bloggers of all types, there is room for 40 of us

What: Volunteering at Feed My Starving Children (Informal dinner gathering before hand, details still being worked out)

Where: FMSC facility in Eagan, MN

Why: Because we can, and bloggers are awesome

When: Tuesday, January 19th, 2010 8-9:30 pm

You must go to Missy's blog to register for the event. The registration can be found at the bottom of her post.

Seriously, this will be awesome. If you are a MN Blogger, I really hope that I will see you there.

A Letter, or Three

2009-12-07T09:53:00.002-06:00

Dear Santa,

Since you must read my blog and all, you've probably seen my last few posts that contain pictures.

They stink.

So, I'd really love to wake up Christmas morning and find a new camera under the tree. A DSLR. Nikon cause I'm into black and yellow. With an adorable strap cover from any old Etsy seller, and hey, while we're at it, a few lenses would be nice too. Oh, and some books, you know, explaining how to not take crappy pictures.

Love,

Kim

P.S. - I've been mostly good this year, I promise.

Dear Husband,

The above letter to Santa should in no way be interpreted as a hint. I've already told you what I want from you for Christmas and I know a DSLR is so not in our budget, so don't get any funny ideas about spending money we don't have to be all romantic and stuff. I'm just going to hold out hope for the jolly guy in the red suit.

Love,

Kim

P.S. - Happy Anniversary 7B! I love you!

Dear Readers,

Are you holding out hope for the jolly red suited guy like I am? If you could have something that you know you won't find under the tree this year, what would it be?

Love,

Kim

P.S. - Tell me in the comments! I want to know!

Saturday Morning Fail

2009-12-05T07:24:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a lot of coffee shop writing these days, often taking the opportunity to leave early when meeting friends for coffee just to spend some time alone with the laptop. So, when that opportunity presented itself today, I took it.

You see, I was planning on meeting some 3-Day teammates at Caribou to work on our thank you notes. (Yes, in December, for the 3-Day that was in August. I know. I'll do better next year.) I was meeting them at 7:30 a.m. at a coffee shop 25 minutes from home. I left the house at 6:00, looking forward to an hour of writing. I pulled into the parking lot and started pulling my stuff from the car.

Laptop? Check.
Thank you notes? Check.
Donor Info? Check.
Posing For Pink Calendar? Check.
Purse?

Purse?!?

Seriously! Where is my purse?

On the kitchen table.

The kitchen table that is 25 minutes away.

So, home for the purse, back to the coffee shop to order, claim a table and leave 5 spare minutes to write.

So, sorry, this is what you get.

The Wreath - How To

2009-12-04T07:14:00.001-06:00

I said earlier in the week that I'd be explaining how inspiration struck resulting in the new wreath above the mantle.

Have you ever met my dog Cooper? This is Cooper. He's long.

Ignore the eye glare. I don't actually know how to use a camera, and I've heard animal eyes are hard to capture. (I just made that up. Just so you know.)

Cooper was the inspiration for the Christmas wreath in that Cooper was the one who tore apart a lampshade that a small child left on the floor after dancing around with it on his head. (Really, it was a small child. I don't dance with a lampshade on my head. At least not often.) I picked lampshade pieces off of the living room floor and just couldn't throw the metal hoop from the bottom of the shade away.

Now, I knew that I needed to do something with that hoop right away because simply throwing it on the piles of project potential in my basement was never going to fly. I headed to the fabric store and came home with 9 cuts of Christmas themed fabric, 1/4 yard of each.

I cut each of those 1/4 yard cuts into strips approximately 1 inch wide. I wasn't precise, the imperfection of the wreath is what makes it perfect.

When I finished cutting the strips I had a basket full of Christmas fabric strip goodness.

I settled down in front of the TV with my basket of fabrics and my former lampshade now boring metal hoop. It won't be boring for long!

If you're like me, you may want to cut a length of ribbon (red polka dot) to use as a hanger since there is already a nail in your chimney above the mantle. (And if you're also like me, you'll get the whole thing done and realize that hanging it from said hanger makes it actually sit on the mantle, and you'll decide to cut the adorable ribbon hanger off, but whatever.) Anyway, the only step to make this wreath is to take a fabric strip and tie it around the hoop. And then do it again. And again, and again, and well, I'll bet you get the picture.

I grabbed fabric strips randomly, occasionally checking to make sure that I didn't have a bunch of the same color all together. As I got a bunch on I pushed them closer together so the knots were touching tightly.

Grab a fabric strip, knot it on the hoop and push the knot close to its neighbor. Repeat.

Eventually your hoop will be full and your wreath will be done. You can hang it on a wall or your mantle like so:

Or, you can become a Christmas themed lion, like so:

Either way, it's an adorable wreath. Crafty, and homey, and perfect for a fabric lover like me.

And on a supplies note, I had enough fabric left to use the strips on my advent calendar, as well as knotted around branches on my Christmas tree for crazy decoration coordination!

Cutting Words From The Vocabulary

2009-12-03T07:05:00.000-06:00

Go ahead and raise a virtual hand if you want to do away with the in-laws.

I totally do.

What? You thought I meant the people?!?!?

No! The words! I want to do away with the words "in" and "law."

I've said many times before that I've been incredibly blessed by my family, both the family I was born into, and the family I joined when I said "I do." But let's forget the family I was born into for a while and just focus on the family I chose.

I married my husband. He has a family. He has sisters, oh, does he ever have sisters. There are five of them. He has two big brothers. A father and a step-mother. A step-brother. All of his siblings are married, and he has 20 nieces and nephews.

Spending time with many of them over Thanksgiving reminded me of one thing.

They may be my in-laws because my husband and I exchanged vows and signed a piece of paper in front of some witnesses 7 years ago, but they are just plain family in my heart. Nothing made me happier then when I saw my husband's father at Eat Dessert First Wednesday night and he put his arm around me and simply called me his daughter.

I have sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews and well, you get the picture.