Reeling

It was almost 9 o'clock and I was busy trying to convince the younger boy that sleeping was significantly cooler than the Legos he could see strewn all over his bedroom floor.

My cell phone rang and I glanced at the caller ID, no name appeared, just a local number.  I quickly hit ignore so it wouldn't further disrupt the boy who was finally beginning to settle down.

Within a split second of sending the call to voicemail I realized I did recognize the number.  Somewhere deep in my brain it occurred to me that that number was only two digits different from a number that used to belong to me.  A number I had all but forgotten.  An extension in the company I worked for almost five years ago.  I have very few connections left to that former job and couldn't imagine why someone would be calling.  I anxiously waited for the telltale beep letting me know my mystery caller had indeed left a voicemail.  

"Hi Kimberly."  I recognized the voice immediately.  A voice I hadn't heard in three years, maybe more.  "I got your number from N, I hope that is okay.  Listen, I really need to talk to you so if you could give me a call back and leave me a message letting me know when is a good time to call you, that would be great." 

I rolled out of the bottom bunk, not wanting to disturb j by making a call, and abandoned my attempt to get e to bed.

While I expected to get a voicemail, I caught that former co-worker before he finished his break and he got right to the point.  "How you doing girly?"  While I smiled at something so familiar, so him, he continued without allowing me a chance to answer.  "Listen, it's Mary, and it's not good.  The cancer is back and she just left the hospital go do hospice at her Mom's place.  A bunch of us are hoping to visit so I'll let you know what we get planned." We talked about the situation for a few minutes but he had to get back to teaching a class and I had to get back to convincing a kid to sleep.

I hadn't even set the phone down before the tears began, and I sat alone on my couch sobbing.

Mary was one of the people I'd lost track of.  I loved every minute she and I were co-workers, and while we had lunch a few times after she left the company, and she sent me a Christmas card almost every year, it had been a few years since I had spoken to her.  Having young kids and "being busy" is a really crappy excuse for being a bad friend and when that co-worker told me that her cancer was back, it made me ill to think that I never knew it was there the first time.

I shared with that former co-worker that only a few days ago, seemingly out of the blue Mary had been on my mind.  I wondered how she was doing and figured that I probably had her address from a Christmas card somewhere.  I considered dropping her a note, but hadn't done it yet. 

To go from wondering how someone is doing, thinking about things like if they are working, or if they have grandkids yet to finding out that they are dying is a shock.  A shock that I am still reeling from. 

She is around my mother's age.  Her kids are a few years younger than I am.  Turns out she does have a new grandbaby.

And she is dying.  And I am reeling.

I'm not sure of the moral to this story, but I've said it before and I'll say it again.  

Cancer sucks.